Best. Prank. Ever.

It was a *lot* of work. He was up until the wee hours last night, getting everything just right.

I came home from work, and he came out to tell me that Invader Zim was on! So I went into his room, where he was sitting with his laptop open. “I sort of broke my computer screen,” he said, pitch-perfect in the kind of hopeful regret of a child who knows that Mommy will be able to make it better. To say I gasped audibly is putting it mildly — it was like a scream, but the air going in instead of out.

click to embiggenFortunately, before I imploded into a ball of mess, dad walks in and said April Fool. At least I think that’s what he said, I was a little freaked out at the time. The kiddo, who had been restraining himself from smiling long enough, beamed with all that repressed pride and proceeded to tell me how the deed was done.

First, he found this thing on Household Hacker (wait. my kid reads household hacker? huh.) So first he made one of the screens with his new wallpaper, but he realized I hadn’t seen the new wallpaper, so he had to go on the internet and find the *old* wallpaper, and then make the background out of that. It had to look just like I’d expect his screen to look, if it was completely destroyed by (say) people playing ball in the house, or perhaps running with scissors. After all, this is what moms think is going on while they’re at work anyway, right? He worked on making it just right for some time, you know how sometimes things don’t work and you have to start again? So finally, he was satisfied with his truly devastating result, so he proceeded to remove/hide all his icons, hid the Object Dock and the taskbar, and waited for me to get home.

Since it was a belated April Fool’s, I was completely unsuspecting, and he got me. I mean, he didn’t just get me, he *got me* got me.

I’m so proud :)

the pharyngeal jaw of a moray eel (illustrated, and demonstrated)

Today’s Wikipedia P.O.D.:

An illustration of the pharyngeal jaws of a moray eel, a “second set” of jaws contained within an animal’s pharynx, distinct from the primary (oral) jaws. When the moray bites prey, it first bites normally with its oral jaws, capturing the prey. Immediately thereafter, the pharyngeal jaws are brought forward and bite down on the prey to grip it; they then retract, pulling the prey down the eel’s esophagus, allowing it to be swallowed.

And here’s Morey, showing us how that works:

Sometimes, when we feed Morey a shrimp that’s a bit too big, and even his pharyngeal jaw can’t quite get the whole thing down, he ties himself in a knot and pulls his head through to dislodge the piece of shrimp that’s still sticking out. Which is just cool.

google voice is on drugs. really, really good ones.

Or really bad ones, depends on how you look at that sort of thing. I’m not complaining, I find it quite hilarious, especially considering that there *is* decent voice recognition going on in the software world today. It’s just, none of that’s happening anywhere near the Google Voice division, for some bizarre reason I can’t even begin to speculate on.

Exhibit A:  phone call from my daughter re: … something?

Hey Mom, It’s me, it’s like wow that’s okay. Okay bye. I think I’m birthday party on it. Also the right way, getting up as soon as possible. Let me know if it’s free tickets and I really want to. Without the rate if you could thought I’d be really cool when you hire also, but if it’s still your financing meeting and her at. So, how big invite you guys in the east. You can’t tell you never see. I think it’s like 99. If you are right. Hi back.

Exhibit B: wrong number from some random lawyers (probably)

Yes, my name is Anthony cord error on the litigation Compliance Officer for the carry law firm. I’m looking to speak with a meal and Crenshaw. Alrighty.Crenshaw regarding out cases of being involved and check fraud to be filed with local stories representing Bay County maybe have Ed Davis with. Reachout of town Ridge contract that the service is intensity fryer filters to out of 10 Affidavit is, 102-1072 Response, call us to be made at (number)extension 354, or directly at (number).

OK, that just cracks me up.

GameFly : a public thanking

I admit I didn’t expect much. After all, the whole snafu was partially my fault for not noticing things for months at a time, and for not clarifying things with the kiddo & the dad regarding what was sent back when. And yes, I did delegate the canceling in a way that caused it to be rather frustratingly sort-of-but-not-really taken care of. And I know this is confusing, but it’s nowhere near as confusing as the plaintive email I sent to GameFly after all this had gotten itself into such a sorry state.

Sigh.

So in the process of looking up their Customer Service phone number, I found any number of wankers wanking about how GameFly was teh suck, etc etc. I even imagined how, if they kept sending me emails, I’d unsubscribe with one of those snarky “why I unsubscribed” messages. Yes, sometimes I get mad in advance of having a reason, just so I’ll be good and ready. Well, either the wankers were just being wanky (as wankers often are), or, GameFly has changed.

The plaintive, confusing email was sent yesterday evening, ending with a whine about how it sure would be nice to talk to them about the whole mess but oh well.

And today, I got the nicest call. They’re going to clear the account of games that we didn’t report missing for months (we meant to, we just … you know … and then another month went by …). And, they’re refunding two months’ charges. Which isn’t fair — it’s way, way beyond fair.

Meaning that at some point, we will probably re-subscribe, if for no other reason than they just impressed the hell out of me. We do have numerous game systems, so a subscription would make sense, it’s just that we’re kind of over-gamed at the moment after the wildly Xbox-y Xmas.

So, GameFly, thank you for being very understanding about our “… and then another month went by … “. We appreciate the convenience.

… and don’t make any sudden moves

I am not fond of air travel, and haven’t been on an airplane since … hmm, thinking … 1999? My desire not to fly has increased steadily with each new regulation requiring the violation of personal space, but this one really takes the biscuit. “…during the final hour of flight passengers must remain seated. They won’t be allowed access to carry-on baggage or to have any items on their laps.” Are you fucking kidding me? Really? For the final hour of every flight, I’m to be tortured? Can’t go pee, can’t have anything in my lap at all, can’t do anything but sit quietly with my hands folded in my lap for an hour? Please. I play Solitaire on my Droid while I’m waiting in line, or taking a cigarette break at work (yes, I even get bored smoking), even while I … well you get the idea. I don’t do sitting quietly doing nothing very well at all. To the extent I find it hard to even imagine doing so for an hour, let alone actually doing it.

It would take a lot to get me on an airplane – and by a lot, I mean, Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax. And if the airlines aren’t going to start handing those out like candy with the boarding passes, I think I’ll take the train. Or just not go.

dystonia is a tragedy. but so is preventable death due to fear and misinformation.

Have you seen the tragic video of Desiree Jennings, the beautiful 25 year old cheerleader who was struck with dystonia ten days after receiving a seasonal (not H1N1) flu shot? The correlation between the timing of the flu shot and the onset of the disorder is reported in this story as “doctors” saying the flu shot is what caused the dystonia. Apparently, Jennings’ own doctor is not among them: from the LA Examiner article: “Jennings doctor has stated she has come down with the disorder but there does not seem to be a solid connection that it was positively caused by her getting a flu vaccination.”

Irresponsible, sensationalist “journalism” is offensive in and of itself, but in this case, it could very well be murderous. How many people will see this video, and decide against immunizing themselves and their children? Why did Inside Edition choose not to discuss the known causes and contributory factors for dystonia (hint: flu shots/vaccinations not on the list)? They did show us pictures of Mrs. Jennings in her cheerleading costume, in between shots of her demonstrating her bizarre and devastating neurological symptoms. Did they provide any facts at all? Lots of vaguely terrifying allegations that the flu shot did this to her, yes, but did they present any scientific facts? Well, they did mention that this form of the disorder strikes 1/1,000,000 people. (By comparison, the chance of being struck by lightning in any given year is 1/700,000 — no word on how many lightning strike victims had had flu shots, but hey Inside Edition, why not do a story on the possibility vaccinations cause increased electrical conductivity? Hmm?)

A commenter on the LA Examiner story said their grandma had this disorder, and had passed away as a result, and — shockingly enough — it turns out she had had a flu shot that year! What are the chances, a senior citizen getting a seasonal flu shot? And just think about it! Senior citizens probably get more flu shots than any other demographic, and they die of random causes ALL THE TIME. Coincidence? You tell me. Wait — don’t. Instead, please repeat after me: CORRELATION DOES NOT EQUAL CAUSATION.

There is nothing whatsoever to connect the flu shot to the onset of the disorder except a week and a half. Could the fever have triggered neurological problems? Maybe!!! HOLY SHIT, nothing else ever causes fever at all, so clearly no one should get a flu shot!

The CDC reported today that forty-six states are reporting widespread influenza activity at this time. This many reports of widespread activity are unprecedented during seasonal flu.

Vaccine hysteria has terrible consequences. Before you start throwing pseudo-science at me about it, please, please go read this article. Then check out Michael Shermer’s open letter to Bill Maher, an otherwise sensible fellow who seems to have caught this crazy anti-vaxxor bug. You might also check out Science-Based Medicine. Then go get your flu shot.

perhaps i am the only one …

who thinks that this war on Fox “News” is treading on dangerous ground? I mean, sure, anyone who possesses the ability to use Google or even FactCheck.org, or a reputable newspaper, or who has watched Out Foxed, or who has been paying any reasonable amount of attention at all, knows Fox is not a “News” outlet. But, at this point, they are still calling themselves “News”, acting as if it’s news they’re presenting, it even says “News”  in the corner of the screen.

And as long as they portray themselves as a news channel, any of the folks who believe them are going to have SO much room to yelp about the first amendment.

I mean, imagine your neighbor claimed he was a billy goat, and kept ramming himself head-first into your house, and a crowd of other neighbors had gathered to watch. And this crowd was being entertained, and after awhile, began to believe the guy ramming the house was a goat, because he kept yelling “LOOK AT ME, I’M A GOAT” and he had GOAT written in red letters on his shirt, and he smelled kinda goat-y, and after awhile, everyone just thought of him as a goat. The first order of business wouldn’t be to go after the goat, it would be to make sure that everyone understood it was really a crazy dude and not an actual goat, right? Otherwise they’d be on about animal cruelty and whatnot. PETA would send naked chicks. It could get ugly, or at least, skanky.

Or am I just paranoid, and simply everyone knows Fox is fake, just like everyone knows wrestling is fake, right?

note: you will either want to turn yoru speakers up, or down. me? i turn them up.

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