August 2002 Archives

first of all, i've really been enjoying the ongoing discussion here regarding the song 'Hallelujah'. lots of interesting facts contributed.

the site that spawned me spawning my own blog, surreally dot com, has been quite enjoyable lately, we have a new aussie, and i couldn't be happier about the posts and the general sense of camaraderie over there. surreally will be two years old on september 10th.

need blogspace? surreally.org is open and operational. email me if you are interested.

it's been five years today (princess diana) and still i get sniffly if i think too much about it.

finally, the nuked AOL cds:
one · two · three

other: during the hallucinating / nightmaring / not-really sleeping of last night, my drug-addled brain entertained me with many purposeful plans for the day: leg-shaving. installing linux on the spare partition here. letting kid take pictures and starting his photolog (kurtwood.com is where it'll be, eventually). the dishes (it's been awhile). and um. buncha other things i thankfully can't recall, i mean, way too busy considering the side effects of quelling the protestations of the militant tooth.

and you know what? i have such a polite cat. it was one of my drifting-towards-awake times, barely light out, and i heard kitty crunch-cruncing in the kitchen. then it was quiet, and i sat up to ... i forget what, maybe water? and then he goes 'mrow?'. he was waiting patiently by the door for some sign that i was awake. now that's just sweet.

where was i going with this?

hypothetically: if you have a searing toothache, is it more appropriate to call (a) a dentist that you've never seen before, and don't intend to see for at least two or three weeks to ask for something to get you through (the pain)? (it's not abcessed. it just hurts like hell, and this is *not* the time for a dental appointment and all that that entails. i need time.) or (b) a doctor you have seen exactly once? a dentist i have never seen would probably want to see me. this isn't really feasible at this juncture.

i hate asking for pain meds, no matter what. because let's face it i like them. have i ever asked for them outside of extenuating pain circumstances? no. but for some reason when i ask i have this feeling that the answer will be "no, they are bad because they make you feel good" (i'm not making that up, a doctor really said that to me once.)

i don't have any solid dr./patient relationships established. i'm not a doctor-goer. only when it gets really bad, so i'm usually there for something druggy. and that makes me feel like a druggy. and i have certainly been all kinds of druggy in my past, but those were quite different drugs and boy am i ever rambling.

and i have not yet been able to bring myself to make any phone call at all regarding this. instead i'm babbling at you guys. *sigh* i don't make a lot of sense.

pills just kicked in. warm. was considering going to the daughter-graduation from massage school which is at 6 but i would have had to drag the kindergartener and he was already fidgety and whiny from having to spend the afternoon at my work, and would be unmanageable at a serious event. however this *is* really important, and i was really up in the air over the issue (or the opiates, one or the other) and then i heard the water. this seals it. the child is now armed with a hose (i.e., unapproachable) and hopelessly muddy by now.

it's such a helpless feeling hearing the water running full force and splashing all over the place, knowing i can do nothing but wait it out unless i want to get really, really wet. and i don't. it's now been something like 15 minutes, and the water just went off. imagine the mud.

this is what i heard about 7:30 last night. bored? with videos and playstation and toys and...?

... i wanna go to school.

ahh. well, that makes sense. take a kid that lives in a neighborhood full of old people and nuns, who is essentially an only child, and finally put him in a place where there are 20 or so other kids just his age, with fun activities and a playground and snacks and things and stuff ... he wants to go there all the time now.

i'm sure he won't always love school this intensely, but he is off to a good start.

and you know, i wouldn't mind being in kindergarten myself right now. oh wait. i was miserable and unsociable and some kids once handed me a glass and told me to close my eyes and drink and it was sand. never mind that.

my son, for all his only-childness, has great social skills. he's not aggressive, but he's not passive and shy with 'make fun of me and give me noogies' tattooed on his forehead in special bully-only ink. *sigh* i must resist rambling on about this and get back to working.

still tired. should get to bed at a decent hour but probably already a little late for that. so. here we go with what i've got, which is not alot, but anyway:

mardi gras beads

big neon margarita glass

much drinking

hoopty and krix

classic hoopty

glitter girls

Tam and Jamie at the shaving

the cake

T & J ready to cut the cake

T & J cutting the cake

T & J feeding cake to one another

hotties

fun with shaving

plugging the shave sponsor

the shaved j

r&b band singing i've got friends in low places

obligatory shot of the big baker thermometer

now, it's like, off to bed with my tired butt.

they lined up, and marched into class. kindergarten classrooms are very cool places. there were kleenex and cookes afterwards for the sniffly mommies (and daddies, i suppose, but kurt's daddy didn't go). do wish i coulda been there, but work ...

picking him up today, i did notice that, in spite of my worries, he's not particularly hyper or wild. the other boys are pretty much the same. they're little boys.

well, not so little anymore ...

it's four thirty am on a tuesday
it doesn't get much worse than this
in beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle
of these lives which are completely meaningless
help me stay awake, i'm falling
asleep in perfect blue buildings
beside the green apple sea
i wanna get me a little oblivion, baby,
try to keep myself away from me
counting crows

trying to hold onto the afterglow, and falling anyway. and it's only two thirty and it's technically wednesday. and i can't sleep (again), which is fine.

i spent some time recently delving into the darkside, the angry places that appealed to my lesser judgement. and no more. no sir or madam. this is not where i meant to spend my self. and i am spent. i see people shutting down here and there and this is not what i had in mind, not at all. hence there is this requirement that i disassociate myself from the negativity and embrace what inertia i still posess, however faint it might seem at this moment. i will say this: there is goodness whether you admit it or not. your choice.

so i release the anger. all of it. right now. oh not entirely, surely it will resonate in my veins and bones for some time now. but i will try to free the rest of me and eventually i will be viscerally free. i believe this. foolish as this may or may not seem to you, as you are reading in the light of day this silly late/early strangeness, the sorry state of affairs i've expressed here in this mess. it gets better.

peace.

the epic skits has proposed a blogger-meeting type thingy, just the remedy for those of us aching to have another blogcon, and a good introduction to the goodness that happens when bloggers convene, for those who couldn't make it to vegas.

here are the details. i will be there, if at all humanly possible, probably with my kid tagging along like last time. santa monica!

don't know how many times we've told the boy that as he bounced around the house this evening. because tomorrow is his first day in kindergarten.

i wanted to write something eloquent but instead i'll just sigh heavily and go upload some blogcon photos.

there's a poll up on the main page of the blogcon site, to vote for the venue of next year's convention. i voted for New Orleans, because (even though it's far from me) it's a much more reasonably priced place, and still a party town. but always open for more east-coasty suggestions, as it's only fair to alternate sides.

we simply *must* do this again.

the thing about 99.95% uptime, is that there is .05% downtime. that works out to about four and a half hours a year.

well at least that's out of the way, eh? or, well, partially -- i think only about half that time, it was all the way down. flickers. just flickers. either that or that was my own eyesight flickering as my life flashed before my eyes.

so i spent the time shopping for different hosting. better deals. didn't find any. finally just went to lunch, figuring a watched website never boils or something. sure enough, returned with my spicy chicken bowl from taco bell, and all is once again well.

but that was a rough coupla hours there. *shiver* such a terrifying sense of disconnectedness.

i'm sorry, i have to do this, and i have to do it here, there's really no choice if i don't get this outta me in some way i ... don't know.

no please anything but that!

and yet here it is. woke up on the same old couch, got into the same old car, drove the same 3 or 4 miles to the same job. such startling contrast.

woke up this morning out of some bizarre dreams, thinking, this is going to be the longest monday of the longest week ever.

sorry for the whining.

long rambling barely coherent entry in which i attempt to remember more than i'm capable of. forgive me any forgetfulness i may demonstrate here:

i miss everybody already. i'm almost sort of recovered from the excesses of the lost weekend, and ready to go back and do it again. i feel extremely fortunate to have met so many people, those i've known online and some new ones too.

every time i sit down to write about the fun times, i just vapor-lock. it was so intense. i got to be roommates with Jilly, and that was just the best. here's someone i've been admiring from afar for a good long time, and we got to hang out and talk and talk ... frankly and honestly and ahh, it was just wonderful. the night before, i got to camp out at batgrl, who is every bit as bubbly with energy as she is on her blog. she only kicked me once, but it's ok, i was more or less wide awake the whole night anyway. and she did a great job on the parties at Jon's place, including draping shiny mardi gras beads everywhere. so festive! and as for the beads i brought home, i must say that my son is very happy - he just loves shiny beads (he didn't get the special one with the boobies on it though :)

and Jon -- with that camera, wandering tipsily around vegas, taking the greatest pictures. you want good pics of this event, see Jon -- i took a few, many of which didn't come out too well, and i haven't gotten around to the organizing them yet. Jon also brought his germs, but i think enough alcohol was consumed to have an antiseptic effect. tequila! woo.

met some new people (as in hadn't really read their blogs before) - Mikey and Marcie. now Mikey was hanging over at hoopty and CC's pad, which along with Jon's place was another one of those party central places. Mikey is a fun guy and a great-floor sleeper. this is a talent i never really mastered. and Marcie, i didn't really get to hang out enough with, but it turns out we live close enough that that can be rectified. all is good. oh and John from pixel-streams. lots of fun hanging out with him, and it was his birthday!

and krix!! the resident local, she came along with us on our touristy outings and partied with us in the hoopty-room till dawn. she is definitely someone i wish i lived closer to, we could so hang out. oh, and you simply *must* go check out her animated gif's of the hoopty shaving. they are here, read through the post to find them.

and (*sigh*) Chicken Little. they sky does seem to fall when you meet this amazingly incredibly lovely girl. i have a confession. on the saturday night she and the amazing Suzie got all glittered up. and miss Chicken Little had on this top. this amazing top. i feel guilty for staring at her cleavage in odd moments, but quite honestly it couldn't be helped. she doesn't know it yet, but i'm already plotting a roadtrip to the bay area, in which i will descend on her, Jilly, hoopty, and possibly even Jessica. road trips rock. but that's another post -- my roadtripping fantasy plans.

now Jenn -- showed up saturday and joined us for dinner and after-festivities, with her friend Denise, who is new to blogging and got one heck of an intro, both of them dressed to the nines and ready for maragaritas. yay, tequila! and Jenn has a whole .photo album online already, much more organized than i am!

now the weddings -- two of 'em! i attended neither due to incredibly intense needs for naps, but i did make the reception of the Tam and Jamie union, i totally missed the frykitty and Bill elvis extravaganza, but what better ways to start married life than being married in a gondola, and by elvis, respectively. two weddings! how many geeky conventions can boast that?

oh and the epic skits and her equally epic hubby Francisco. it was so great to see them again and hoping that this trend continues, they are completely awesome people.

i know i've missed people but i've been rambling for a good couple hours or so and deeply need to go visit some blogs and have my memories refreshed.

oh one more thing -- it seems waistdog was with us in spirit, at least -- go see the awesome vintage vegas images over there! go now!

while i try to remember who and what i forgot. there will be more posting of this, to be sure.

* * *

and how could i forget Jenny?!? oy vey. she came all the way from australia to dazzle us with her energy, her adorable accent, and tiny stuffed platypusses (sp?) and then educated me as to the truly bizarre and unique nature of the animal. and she's such a world-traveling adventurer, off to new york next. wish i could do that too...

because her son reads her blog. she got a lapdance in vegas. apparently, it did rock. and it made francisco so very, very proud. and we'll just have to imagine what other effects it had on her hubby.

vegas did rock.

oy vey. you know i'm no longer into the sex right? i've no desire. so it goes like this: (he) i've just got the boy to bed. let's ... (me) i'm busy now, i have to install a copy of movable type, and i have these pictures to upload. (he) i have to install a copy of penis.

(me) oy vey.

(thank goodness he didn't use any upload euphemisms)

i have never been so lost in my whole life. i was disoriented from the minute i hit the LA freeway system and realized i hadn't memorized the mapquest directions, and had to read them by vanity mirror light at 75 miles per hour, even moreso when the directions stopped making any sense somewhere in La Verne, and when i hit the bizarre and overwhelming lightshow of vegas at one AM, after five hours of highway insanity, the last traces of my otherwise excellent sense of direction left me entirely. and i was lost. i stayed lost for days. at no time could i find my own ass with both hands. i don't suppose the beer, or the gin, or the tequila or the days without sleep helped any, but that's beside my point, if i have one.

i got lost trying to find food. i got lost trying to find people. i got lost trying to find booze. i got lost trying to find my own room. (actual conversation, end of last night, as i was hesitating about elevator choices -- jon: which tower is it in, north or south? me: i do not know.) but then again i always have episodes of cognitive deficiency when opposites are concerned -- left/right, east/west, etc/etc. my sense of direction is not something that has neat labels and arrows, it's more a feeling, a general spatial orientation. and it usually works quite swimmingly, except this weekend.

thankfully it returned as i left las vegas. i was able to find the freeway right off, got on it going the right direction, realized i was out of gas around the outskirts of town, got back off the freeway and found a gas station and my way back to the 15 without incedent. much loveliness driving through the desert at quite a high rate of speed (after the traffic cleared, which was 100 miles or more). when i got to the 15/210 transition and it dumped me unceremoniously off the unfinished freeway in rancho cucamonga, i managed to find, without even trying hard, the road i should have found from the original mapquest directions, and follow it (the 30 is more of a route than a road, many turns, never a definite sense that you are going any one direction) to the 210 which becomes the 134 which becomes the 101. by the time i navigated that bit of merging and hit the familiar valley offramps, my navigating abilities had returned full force and i lost that ever so disconcerting feeling of having no idea where i was going.

i should note that aside from one general 'am i going the right direction' question (i was) in La Verne on thursday night, i asked for no directions whatsoever. i may not be a man, but i play one in the car.

it was a lost weekend, but it was still very wonderful. now i must hook the laptop into my network and get my pictures.

is what i should have posted before i left.too late for that .... anyway i'm home now, getting settled in and having a beer that didn't cost five bucks. ahh, ventura.

i really did mean to post more while i was there. i'm about to make up for it though.

i've just been drunk in a bar with hoopty, krix, Jamie, and nerdboy mikey. most of us were completely draped in mardi gras beads. and we were nowhere near the most unusual people in the place, trust me on that one. an R&B band played 'i've got friends in low places'. this is just so surreal. i have pictures. i even called my daughter just to tell her i was drunk in a bar in las vegas. she didn't mind, she wishes she was here.

for all of you not here, i wish you were. i fear that blogging the whole event will be entirely beyond me, as far as what wonderfully weird things are going on.

* * *

update: sitting in the foopty circus room (we're live on that cam there) with hoopty and krix and Jenny and CC.

i have not slept (that i'm aware of) though i tried. i haven't eaten since yesterday noonish. i am not particularly hungry or tired, but there is a psychedelic edge to everything. i have been extremely lost since i got here and have made countless illegal u-turns. it took me nearly an hour to find an airport 4 miles away.

i now have to try and find Jon and batty and Jilly, who are elsewhere in the hotel, presumably with food and caffeine. but first, i had to blog, you know, first things first.

to anyone wishing to live this blogcon thing vicariously, some facts about vegas:

1. it's a dry heat. why they say that like it's a good thing is beyond me.
2. if you have to ask, you can't afford it. i'm referring to bottled water.
3. i saw people smoking indoors. and drinking outdoors. i want to do this myself but it feels so ... wrong.
4. i think i'm allergic to whatever they put in the air to keep you from sleeping. oxygen? no, must be something more sinister. but all i've been able to do so far is lay down and kinda forget where i am, no actual sleeping involved. what's up with that?
5. sleep is highly overrated
6. i'm having a great time.
7. i'm going to hate myself come monday.

i'm all atwitter knowing that batgrl is actually in vegas. right this very minute. so i'm supposed to be concentrating but i'm not. no way. can't be done. so i surf a little, and find this at michele's: Action Figures Alive. observe standard food/beverage precautions before proceeding to her site.

budget guy: i'm giving you a free upgrade
me (thinking): mustang!
budget guy: it's a ford taurus. it's brand new.
me (thinking): that's an upgrade?

but it's nice. it's red. it's got 350 miles on it. it's got power everything and a little remote control thingy and even shiny aluminum wheels and i think that's leather.

oh. and a six disc in-dash cd player.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i am not awake. not one bit. got up, fell back asleep, dreamt of vegas. not a great dream, it involved the elevator not working and having to walk up fifteen floors. with hairy legs. damn that leghair. and damn me, you'd think with the constant nightmares that i'd have done something at this point. but no.

got to work around 10 (late for even me, i usually shoot for 9:30), found a starbucks gift card from a happy client. this amazes me, but does not wake me up (i'm not amazed the client's happy, just that they would know me so well after such a short time). maybe it was the seven cups of thier nice office coffee i drank during the first meeting. anyway. i know, i could go for coffee, but i'm here, i should stay.

even though my brain's already halfway to vegas, and i don't see productivity as my strong suit any time today. let's not even get into how much stuff i have to do to get ready. this is very boring. i'm sorry. i'm just not awake.

it looks like i killed a poodle in the bathtub. i mean, i may be a girl in all sortsa ways, but as far as not shaving my legs since may or march or something, i had manly woman-hair on them leggies. it was not like normal shaving. the motions involved were rather more like hacking your way through the jungle with a machete.

but before this i ... *gasp* ... shopped. yes i did. i went to ross dress for less in the 'womens' department and i went all nutso with the ole debit card. i got two pairs of pants, and three shirts (two must be worn together, for appearance's sake, the other is a standalone type shirt). both will go with each other, of course, i'm practical. so having dumped fifty whole dollars on two outfits, and decided that for better or worse my hair will have to remain unchanged, i am ready for vegas, baby.

and as a result, i now have a numerical value for the size of my ass. that would be eighteen. oy vey. that would be a whole new number for me, having been living in a pair of chris's old sweats for however long, all summer. those things had some man size (xl?) and i didn't really want to know how that translated into ladies wear. and now i know.

i work tomorrow. i pick up the pretty rentacar at five, i take it home and pack everything and get appropriate music for the road and other supplies. by seven pm i will be dropping off chris at the car place so he can have the buick, and hitting the highway. i have printed-out maps and many cell phone numbers.

i am prepared.

ok, i have the repetetive theme song from the weird frog/wizard level of crash bandicoot stuck in my poor head. there are several versions of this level, and my son is good at all of them, he goes there to get plenty of lives when he is facing a more difficult level, cause that game over guy is way annoying.

i can even hear the little sound effects (it's so distinct i sometimes think i'm actually hearing it from a distance). detailed sonic memories.

it can be very annoying. how am i supposed to hear the voices over all this racket?

i have reserved a rentacar. i went with Jason's suggestion of budget rentacar, and indeed they take debit cards, no problem. the difference in rates between the tiny boxlike cars and the hyundai sonata-class cars was about four bucks. i said whatthehell let's splurge.

i pick it up thursday at 5PM. or thereabouts, something like that.

i'm going to vegas, baby!

xkot: hey what's that cheap poweder that kills bugs? borax or something?
matt: Cocaine?
kd: yep. but it's not that cheap.
xkot: the crack under my back door is so big that i see bugs just waltzing in
matt: Ground up human femur?
kd: what kinda bugs?

kd: mayonnaise is yummy
kd: i could eat it from the jar
kd: in fact i often do
matt: It's Satan's ejaculate, you know.
kd: it's eggs
matt: Nope.
kd: yep
matt: That's just what they tell you.
kd: ooooooooookay

how hard does Faith rock?

very, very hard

FEAR THE CAT! FEAR IT!!

(free davezilla)

so last night Keith is telling me about some band, something you young folks listen to i imagine. forget the name. Vines (i really did forget. because i'm old.) anyway, there is apparently all manner of new stuff out there, and where have i been? stranded in the wilds of ventura county, i whine. he says, don't you listen to kjee? you could get kjee! what have you been listening to?

and i admit rather sheepishly, um, classic rock. take this morning for instance. way to work, madman across the water. ahhhhhhhh. that's a long song, it gets me almost all the way to work, and then they play knockin' on heaven's door. i had that on the 45 fer cryin' out loud. 'lord put my guns in the ground, i can't shoot them anymore', i'm singing along as i park the car. i get out feeling oh, so old.

Keith, i'm totally gonna program that station into my buttons.

this seems like a really cool idea. let's see what it looks like and if i can find a place to make this a regular feature here somewhere. maybe down in that area of the sidebar where stuff gets kinda messy anyway?

here 'tis:

[note: to play, click the blog name you think is the answer. it will pop up a pop up]

ok. so i have enough people that want blogs right now, that it's really bad of me to put off the hosting one more day. so i'm going to do it. today. four days from blogcon, three if you count that i'm leaving thursday night, and let's not forget my undone webproject. mmhmm. and at some point this week i also really do have to shave those legs, and have i mentioned i have nothing to wear to blogcon? and what about my hair?

* * *

totally unrelated: is it possible to sexually harass someone of the same sex if you are not gay? sometimes the most inappropriate comments about hotness come to mind about a certain coworker, who was happily announcing she'd lost her baby weight and now just had fat to lose. and. and. if it's fat she's got, she's got it in all the right places just fiiiiiine.

i didn't say anything. but ... *sigh*

if i am curiously absent from my usual comment haunts, just know i'm deeply into the MT templates of one of the hottest women on this internet here. code and hotness. it's a good thing.

* * *

update: a complaint is filed with management

and so there i am, deep in the code, and kitty walks through the kitchen, stops dead in his tracks, and issues forth the most anguished meow i've ever heard. and another one, demanding, even angry. this feline is *pissed*. what? i ask. and then i smell it.

chris had just made tuna, and given none to kitty. bad, bad chris. anyway, it's ok, situation has been rectified, thankfully kitty doesn't mind if the tuna has a bit of mayo and dill relish in it. he's currently licking his lips and looking somewhat mollified.

madly busy on a webproject, big changes in store for a surreally blogger who shall remain nameless. holding myslef back by my own hair to keep myself out of the IM, which if i get sucked into that particular vortex, all will be lost, project-wise.

i used to while away hundreds of dozens of hours a week in the IM, then i more or less went cold turkey. and i changed my screen name and started fresh. and now, the ole buddy list is more interesting than it's ever been. such potential for delightful chat. just a click away.

oh maybe if i just log in for a little bit. how can that hurt?

and i'm about to crash heavily and here i discover this and oh this rocks my whole world. thank you Eric, not only for all the moving and thought provoking comments you made here and there on this issue, but most especially for this post. a clear and eloquent assesment of all the nonsense.

dude. you do rock. and thanks.

matt: It's called "Futz, said Julie" and it's by a band named Pain
matt: Kinda skate punk, but not bad.
kd: skate punk can get really annoying if you aren't like, watching punks skate
kd: in which it's ok
kd: xgames soundtracks, that's about it
matt: I kind of find it quaint.
matt: "Oh, look at how angry they think they are."
kd: quaint is a good word for it
matt: I wish I could go back ten years and slap myself around.
matt: "Snap out of it!"
kd: mmhmm. we all do. in one way or another.
matt: Of course, if I could, I'd probably have to fend off visits from Ten Years In The Future Me all the time.
kd: heh. yeah.
kd: that could get annoying
matt: "Don't invest in pork!"
matt: "Damn, what the hell are you...*OW!* Stop hitting me!"
* * *
later:

matt: See, now I'll have to go back ten years and slap me now
matt: Or however that will work
kd: get a time machine to travel ten years hence when you need a slappin'
kd: or just avoid the time machine and slap yourself now.
matt: Hard to imagine going to all that effort to get slapped...although not so hard to imagine doing it to slap.

melly explains it best. which is rather necessary, considering the sorryass state of a flamewar in which opinions are selectively deleted, as adressed quite succinctly by michele (be sure to read the first comment on that post, it's a little added insight). that comment (well, it's an email, actually) clearly re-states this fact: Tess did indeed take offense to melly and i posting about Jess, her CD collection, the robbery, and her wishlist, in light of the Holocaust. she fully admits this. ok. that's not even a leap of logic. there is no logic. it's just a petty personal attack, the motivation for which i cannot fathom. and the mention of a robbery and the Holocaust in the same sentence is rather an affront to the millions of lives lost, isn't it? Ezrael helps to put this in perspective, as well. and i have to ask, if the Holocaust is our standard against which we must measure loss, well, i suppose we should respond to the victims of pretty much any crime with a terse 'suck it up and deal', yes? no, that makes no sense. none whatsoever. [edited to add] also, Faith has some perspective on this, the Holocaust is a very close personal part of her history.

the attack, passive-aggresively couched in the context of linkage to something universally appalling, was a sign of some deeper issues, of that i'm sure. the follow-up post contains more vitriol and rage than i've seen in one place in a long, long time. an ugly thing to see.

for the record, i'm with Nancy. i also think the Holocaust was a Very Bad Thing. it isn't stopping me from helping my friends. i'll continue to have empathy for those who suffer loss, and continue to be puzzled why this would piss someone off. you just never know, i guess.

so i'm in chat. and i type the words 'because you're talking about stuff' (i know, i know, what a fascinating conversation this must be, eh?). and i pause, pick up my salad bowl and as i bent my head down, i had the horrible horrible feeling that i'd typed 'your' instead of 'you're'. i mean, i could remember typing 'your'. i could feel it being wrong. and i looked up and it wasn't 'your'. it was 'you're'. it was right.

that was scary.

i am still loving the meat puppets, did you know they were kurt cobain's favorite band? and do you know that my son's name is a subliminal combination thereof? kurt cobain, and chris and curt kirkwood (the brothers in the puppets) = kurtwood. we were all off into them all in '97. it's a very original name, and how many people own their kid's first name dot com? i do. it will be his photolog, when i get a round tuit. anyway.

lyrics and mp3 follow:

a stranger talked to me at von's today. which is quite unusual, i'm fairly invisible as things go. but my car isn't invisible. well, it kind of is. i mean, gray seven year old buick you know. but the license plates are certainly remarkable.

he walks over, says 'i bet a lot of people wanted that plate' and i told him that yes, i was extremely pleased to find them available as late as november of 2000. and he said, so you have a website? please note that all this is extremely awkward-sounding, i'm not the most conversationally fluent person. briefly it occurred to me to tell him the URL and then i thought, no, not one of those conversations where you try to explain to the uninitiated what a blog is... anyway, i told him i yeah, i do, and i also do this for a living and i also spend all the rest of my time online, only going out for supplies (indicating groceries in my hand). he agreed with that thought, and we awkwardly took our leave of the conversation.

if he didn't think only leaving the house/internet for supplies was weird, maybe i should have given him my URL.

"It's only natural to be a little curious about Yoda's penis. I've certainly asked myself all the usual questions: How long is it when flaccid? How long erect? Is it circumcised? Is it shaped like a human penis? Is it the same shade of green as the rest of him? Is it wrinkled? Veiny? Freckled? How much pubic hair does Yoda have? Is the hair curly or wispy? Is there enough hair to hide the testicles? And how large are the testicles? And how pendulous?"

i know you want them. i see you looking at my comment permalinks, touching yourself. go on, i know it feels good.

and the good news is, they are very easy to do! there may be a tad bit'o'wonkiness if you use the popups, because the permalinks go to the entry page itself, but i don't think it would be bad wonky. they do work best with the 'inline' style of comments, just so you know that before you dive in.

see more for code:

by which i mean, a better day. kinda surprised by how well things went. in the morning first thing we had a grief counselor/pastor kinda guy and a group snifflefest (well everyone but me, i only cry when it's inappropriate to do so). then client meeting that lasted for hours in which things went entirely well. and then a company-wide lunch thingy. which i usually avoid.

in fact i never say much to anybody but today i made the effort to ask people how they were holding up. i congratulated the guy that proposed to his g/f on monday night after having thoughts about wasting time in life. i am going to keep working on this. and stop avoiding the picnics and the xmas parties and the like. maybe. well, we'll see.

in any case, it was a better day.

* * *

oh ... you know that Jessica was burglarized on monday, monday was *the* bad day, apparently, and her (incredible) CD collection, along with jewelry, boots, and purses (my god. the monsters that would do that. you know?). not just valuables, but treasures. that's so evil. in any case, she has a wishlist set up, and we can help her get that collection back together.

because you may have the day off work and not know it.

*sigh*

i've taken up playstation coaching. my son has the mad controller skills, but i'm the strategist. i tell him things like, when you've gotten safely past the monster, don't go back and jump on him just for fun. the point is, you've passed him, and if you go back, he has the chance to get you again. hmm. could apply to a lot of things.

anyway, (forgive me, i'm slow sometimes) at some point i realized i had the internet here. internet. gamers. mmhmm. and there we were against the monster at the end of level four, and it seemed unbeatable. i type in 'beat n gin crash warped' in google and lo and behold. specific instructions. he beat that monster on the first try with me telling him the exact weak points of the robot and then the spaceship. we make a good team.

and boy, wait till he's done with the game and i tell him about all the extra super secret levels and special tricks you can do! there's at least half again as much of the game that's hidden away in secret places. i can see that this could get verrrrrrrrry addictive. oh man, i love the internet.

chris often tells me i am yelling at him. when i am in fact not yelling. and he's not the only one, my daughter and my boss tell me the same thing. and my initial response is always to insist i'm not yelling, but yelling is more in the ear of the beholder, if you think about it. and people get stressed when they percieve that i'm yelling, and so they don't hear my words, they react to my tone. so i've learned to temper my voice, because apparently i've listened to too much loud music and i'm slightly hard of hearing. it doesn't seem like yelling to me. however, i now make an effort to lower my voice. and it takes conscious thought, to overcome this natural tendency towards loudness.

the point is, that i want to be listened to, rather than reacted to.