oddly enough i haven't given up on the ... book thingy. the anti-novel, as i like to call it when i'm speaking to it, is stubbornly refusing to follow anything anyone would consider an acceptable format, suitable for ever being anything but my own little indulgence, however it has some appeal. which considering what a narcissistic little so-and-so i've become, should be taken with some tums and a xanax, if ya got one. and all my life i've written or attempted to, and at no point has viability for publication been a concern. i write for me - and i appreciate my efforts in that area, we have a symbiotic relationship, the writer and i do. so i don't have to Write a Book. i can just express this -- thing -- which both deserves & needs to be expressed, and maybe only ever a half dozen people, will 'get it', maybe not even that many, it would be a difficult thing to say, here read this. and that's not why i write. i write because i am the only one capable of the understanding that leads to healing, i can't be helped otherwise.
besides it's extremely extremely personal. painfully personal. i had to take a day away from it & do the barbie battlebots design, i was in over my head.
then i decided i needed a content management system. i know what you're thinking -- MT! um. no. no, that i could have had running in minutes. instead i seem to be building it its own custom made single-purpose CMS. i think of it as writers block insurance - i can always obsess on the code when i spin out on the words, and spin i will, yes.
songs keep spilling out of my unconscious, complete & preserved perfect like ... like bugs. dead bugs. in amber. there's your analogy. me & my bugs.
I love both the pics of you.. Two sides to one personality.. You don't look pissed as much as angst filled.. like you are keenly aware of how much the world weighs..
The other is quiet eroticism, flirtatious in a non threatening way. Very nice
funny, i was doing the exact same thing, only i was taking pictures of myself unshaven and haggard at 1:30 am after a big fight with the other occupant, flipping off the camera, and modified from color fuji finepix to black and white in photoshop. my middle finger was contrasted too high so i tried to use the burn tool, but then it made it look kind of psychedelic so i just left it as is. ps's chrome filter made me look like that terminator 2 guy, which was too scary. i don't want to be the terminator 2 guy. as i have explained before, i would much prefer to be neo, lestat, or perhaps barb wire...although so far i'm still stuck as henry fool [and oh dear god if you ever want to see a movie that captures my personality there it is, dir. by hal hartley, all of you, go out and rent it NOW]...sorry, ranting. don't worry about narcissism. just tell yourself, "i'm an artist, it's a self-portrait." think of how many frida kahlo did.
Remember not too long ago when you were so paranoid about getting your picture taken? There was one picture that Kurtwood snuck of you last winter where you looked pissed!
when i weighed more than two hundred pounds, kurtwood is the rare human that actually survived pointing a camera at me. the others ... well, let's just say they had a hard time explaining to the emergency room doctor how the camera got lodged so far ... um. nevermind.
Ah, the only way to start the day: lizpics!
and bad ones at that. sigh.
i changed the default skin last night didn't i? i did, huh.
I am such a dummy...
You're pulling an "Enemy of the State" on us, aren't you? ;0)