(in)search_of_something(sane)i_find(asylum)

seven twenty, arrived at mountain, parked and spent an angry angry ten minutes berating the innocent cds in my car for not being the ones i wanted them to be; departed the car still in a hell of a huff with an old whining playlist of doom spinning and me too, me too. …we hit the blue fields in the blue sedan we didn't get much further just as the sun was rising in the mist we were all alone we didn't need much more… hit the hill, hill doesn't fuck around tries to kill ya straight off …i'm going to miss you, yes i will, no matter who you are i love you still, oh my life is my conscience, the seeds i sow, i just wanted to let you know… i have to catch my breath at the gate i stand on the edge the very dizzy edge …perfect water, i dream this dream within the warm gulf stream where two blocks of ice melt into my hands like dice and I roll seven on the floor of the sea and I feel the perfect water washing over me… on upward and up and up and the last hundred yards to the top i turn my eyes downward focus on the footfalls one more one more one more …hold on, baby hold on, cause it's closer than you think and you're standing on the brink, hold on baby hold on, there is something on the way your tomorrow's not the same as today… the top the top the top oh yes …a soul in tension that's learning to fly condition grounded but determined to try can't keep my eyes from the circling skies tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit, i… leveling out stretching out letting the ocean breeze push the air into my lungs, i head out to the end and the water fountain and the view and if you are high enough this does change the horizon …sun come up, sun go down, hear the feet see the sweat on the ground watch your step, keep your cool though you can't see what's in front of you… beyond the islands the sea changes completely where the continent ends some twenty six miles out, above it a ribbony cloud and i think jet stream? no that's not it but it reminds me of that funny song by kip somebody about fish, where he takes his stingray to the mechanic and the mechanic says looks like you blew a seal and he says leave my personal life out of this …accepting all i've done and said i want to stand and stare again till there's nothing left out, oh it remains in your eyes whatever comes and goes… swinging into the downhill rhythm blissful not so much walking as dancing thinking good cd choice i need this i need to feel and feel and …i couldn't taste it i'm tired and naked i don't know what i'm hungry for i don't know what i want anymore… and i feel that yes that song knows me only too well and i feel …too many hands on my time too many feelings too many things on my mind when i leave i don't know what i'm hoping to find when i leave i don't know what I'm leaving behind… and then i am done with the mountain but no i am nowhere near done …oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes my body aches to breathe your breath, your words keep me alive, and i would be the one to hold you down, kiss you so hard, i'll take your breath away… and i decide to do palm street crazy steep crazy just down and back quick (ow) crazy street …she said "i'm fine, i'm okay" cover up your trembling hands there's indecision when you know you ain't got nothing left when the good times never stay and the cheap thrills always seem to fade away when will we fall when will we fall down… thirsty thirsty gatorade in the buick i search the shapes of the cars is that mine no the headlights are round mine are ... what are they? oh there she is she's the next car and who cares what lights thirst thirst and drink deep and need more miles, i am nowhere near done …sayin� you love but you don�t you give your love but you won�t you�re stretching out your arms to something that�s just not there… i pass the old apartment, this is where we used to live, then head up a random hill, because, (ow) one block and back down and head back …on my way up north up on the ventura i pulled back the hood and i was talking to you and i knew then it would be a life long thing… and pass the car yet again and suddenly energy and faster with purpose and urgency and i am nowhere near done …i remember running through the wet grass falling a step behind both of us never tiring desperately wanting… all the way to the end of the street and then back again and it is beginning to fucking hurt oh just a bit and i have to slow down cool down stretch it is a fight to keep the pace down slow and slow and there she is, HTTP WWW …i will try not to burden you. i can hold these inside. i will hold my breath until all these shivers subside, just look in my eyes.… it is eight forty-five and i have four miles of various hills behind me and rivulets of sweat tickling down my neck and oh i am rushing out hard and the headlights are rectangular.