listless as the day passes, a series of vintage cartoons contributing to an overall feeling of age but it's more than just that. i don't mind my age, what bothers is the slippage. and it's not that the slippage is inevitable, it's just that i let it slide all the time, it's what i do. motivation isn't the question here -- some things that can be done, can't be done by some of us, and i'm one of them. at least i am right now.
it doesn't matter that the things i'm thinking i'm mourning right now might not really be over and gone from my life, only that it feels like they are and for the moment, this loss is as real as anything.
and the things i've considered settling down & settling for this morning & the things i'd have to give up to get there, these are not thoughts to take too seriously. it is a solid pattern of mine at times like whatever these are, to consider divesting myself of everything i want and letting the things that want me have me, take me away from me. live in some grim postmodern cinderella work ethic where selfless sacrifice replaces the searing fierce longings which, quite frankly, have about consumed me. again.
probably it'll pass. meanwhile, back to bed seems a logical next step.
