i had visions i was in them: October 2003 Archives

i was up all night studying the interplay of various alpha states & slow waves & gamma rays & the movement of dreams through open eyes, diligently recording my observations utilizing this revolutionary new method of visual note-taking i've developed, which has neuroscientists everywhere reaching nervously for the phone to call security and have me removed immediately. no not really. but it could happen. anything can.

ever sit up all night with your computer right next to another computer and the other computer is on the internet and the person sitting at it is playing oh i don't know like bingo or something and this goes on hour after hour after hour and then on and and and ... sitting inches from the internet with nothing but a few stray utterly disorderly brainwaves, three graphics programs and a couple of unremarkable photographs and ... next thing i know this thing happened, i'm not quite sure how, ...

... and after that, things started getting reallyreallyfuckingweird and by that i mean, you might not even wanna look. no really.

and i asked dude next door who has the internet if i might borrow it a bit and he said no. can you imagine. pfft. doesn't he know who i am?

my daughter's not at work today no free internet there. i've already bugged mechele. weirdo noid of a neighbor. what in the name of colonel lionel p. tweezerfuck is going on here? exactly?

so i'm blogging in a notebook with a bad pen. by tomorrow i'll be blogging from the daughterhouse on some free AOL while we wait for real internet oh yeah i will be online you betcha by golly walk like a bumfuck egyptian i will be oh hell i said oh hell oh wait i mean oh fuck yeah.

i have most emphatically lost it. if you find it do not panic ok panic but don't make any sudden moves as you run for your lives it will be fine i am fine everything is just so fucking fine i could just

... oh you wish you knew what i could just do about it being so fucking fine don't you? oh wait. no you don't. i had you confused with someone else. my mistake. none of this is happening. we don't exist we eat our time something something something cayenne ok look you are gonna haveta trust me on this one k? alrighty then. assume a name any name will do flee damn you flee the state country planet whatever hurry get gone like gone was on baby now (what you're still here? fuuuuck.) go! before it's too ...

oh you wish. you wish you wished. i see how it is.
*ahem*
as you were

*nods*

point of fact :: no capital letters were typed in the making of this entry. they are all span style text transform thingys.

oh the hell with reality. i mean it. hell with it. i'm gonna get really drunk while i'm packing. and take lots of breaks to do drunk blogging. probably.

what are a lizard's favorite things? wingnuts on roses and flippers on kittens, sure, but her very very favorite things are guys in dresses. without further ado, here's a ... guy in a dress (what you were expecting flippered kittens?)

... and other things that didn't happen today:

today, a starbucks was not firebombed, its employees not cooked slowly and excruciatingly into blackened lumps of carbon by the gasoline-fueled flames in spite of the lies, the lies, the filthy lies, they could have broken that fifty, you know it, i know it, they knew it. also, we have it from the disgruntled staff members of some very reliable sources that there were no consequences of any kind visited upon the deceitful evil bitch behind the counter with the shriveled twisted excuse for a soul, even though the universe is just a little further from balance as a result.

in other non-news, a sanctimonious ex was not found justifiably chopped into bite sized morsels, nor was his flesh shredded from bone by a small but determined group of angry wolverines. he did not trip and fall under the wheels of anything big enough to matter, nor did he lose any appendages in an unfortunate axe accident. after none of this happened, there was no rejoicing, no parade, nada, zip, zero, the big diddly squat: no liquored-up nekkid folk were caught on tape as they swarmed into the streets in celebration, there was no lootin' the pharmacies, not a dang thing (sorry, the network won't let me say goldang). on the bright side there were no arrests.

this has been brought to you by stolichnaya peach and a tremendous effort of will.

this morning, i woke up slow, in layers, gentle, warm, emerging from the unfolding dream blending smooth and easy into the waiting day. the Son of lizard noticed this, and as usual had things he'd been waiting impatiently to tell me:

the son: god is real. and she is everywhere.
the mom: ¿she?
the son: yeah, i think god's a girl

there you have it.

kid: mommy, can i tell you something?
me: what?
kid: god's real !
me: um. ¿what?
kid: ¡¡ god's real !!. i was sitting in my room and one of my toys went [insert toy sound]. i heard it! it's god! god's real!
me: ...