i can’t sleep

so first there was law & order on the tv. this is why i usually always stay up till the tv goes off, because i am drawn into the compelling storylines, annoyed at that pretty dark-haired bitch DA, & disturbed by the tragedies portrayed.

finally off goes the tv. i am wide awake. thoughts popping like popcorn on the surface of my mind. i try to visualize this process, & focus on quieting the popping. problem is, i’m narrating this to myself as i do it, just more thoughts & words to bounce around. i realise this narration is in fact the same thing i always do, describe things to myself so i can write them for you later. i consider getting up & doing just that, then think i’m just not trying hard enough, that maybe a mantra might help, so i search for one. i try this word & that word & remember that ohhhhhm thingy, which i attempt, briefly, but there is too much static.

so i get up, & post this. i’m feeling quite a bit of misplaced energy still but at least i’ve gotten these words out of my system.

chat tempts me. i resist. i go back to bed. after i check my email one last time.

11 thoughts on “i can’t sleep

  1. i) have you taken the internet addiction thingy? 😉

    ii) i don’t usually have problems going to sleep, but when awakened, often have trouble going back to sleep. i’ll lay there in bed, free associating, until my thoughts either tail off into sleep or i arise and go sit down to occupy my mind. sometimes i get a lot of work done that way. 😉

  2. a friend and i used to visualize a feeling like yours (i think) like this…like one of those old round rolodexes just spinning and spinning and just bits of informations jumping out for just a flash of a moment…then gone again…replaced by new flashes and new bits of information. hmmm….we couldn’t figure out if we liked it or if it troubled us.

  3. yes, spinning is another aspect of these images – actually, i believe things spin before they settle to the point i can sense individual bits of information jumping.

    odd. i wonder if that’s normal, or if your friend & i have something seriously wrong with our brains.

  4. i have learned that insomnia is common in adults. one of my colleagues “sleeps” with a radio bug in his ear. at least he can listen to talk shows while he’s “sleeping” and doesn’t disturb his wife. me, i slip out of bed, put on my comfies, and wander off to make a cup of coffee and piddle with the computer. i guess whatever works. 😉

  5. well, on any given night (unless i have several beers before bed) i will wake up every 2-3 hours, wander to the kitchen, eat a cookie or too, go pee, & go back to bed. the nice thing about the beer is it also helps me get to sleep in the first place. but beer’s not in the budget at the moment, so i’m left to my own devices. i have tried benadryl, but it gives me a hangover (woozy feeling all morning long). (beer doesn’t)

    i have actually gotten acclimated to these sleep disturbances, i can get up, wander around briefly, & then go right back to sleep.

  6. Yeah, I know the feeling of insomnia well. Though it’s not a problem of waking up in the middle of the night for me, it’s a problem of actually getting to sleep. Once I’m finally asleep though, I’m out like a light.

  7. The best use I’ve found for benadryl (and one approved by our vet) is to sedate the dog 2-3 hours before thunder and lightning storms are due, or before the god-forsaken population of Honolulu sets off every firecracker in the known universe on New Years Eve.

  8. benadryl is nasty stuff. long ago, the family doctor (no longer) prescribed benadryl for my allergies. i only took it (i was a teenager then) when i absolutely had to, because it may be g-r-o-g-g-y… years later i learned that it was originally developed as a sedative for mental patients, then was observed to have histamine blocking effects. no wonder it made me lethargic! 😉 i keep no alchohol around the house (there’s a long story) or i would have a little wine now and again. that would probably help me relax. so, i use herbal tea.

  9. I actually blame Law and Order entirely for this. I have the same response – I have to go over the endings, and the “then what happened” in my brain or the “what was different in the real life case this was based on” – and on and on. I can’t watch L&O if I’m gonna get sleep any time soon after.

  10. law & order is a difficult show to watch, & since it ends so near bedtime, it always causes me trouble. i try not to watch it but all i have to do is wander through the room & i get sucked in.

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