how to eat a chocolate covered cherry

i am trying to figure this out. what it is that motivates people to push food on someone who has stated, repeatedly, that they are trying to lose weight. (she says, as she decapitates another chocolate covered cherry & catches the first few drips of filling on her tongue).

i am talking about these individuals who won’t take ?no, thanks. no, really, i don’t want any.? for an answer, & proceed to place a container of something completely fattening & utterly irresistable within close reach. (she says, as she nibbles at the chocolate shell, then licks out some of the gooey filling & admires the glistening cherry within).

i am thinking that it’s something in the upbringing. perhaps they were raised in or around the great depression, or in some place they now refer to as ?the old country?. at some point in their hardscrabble formative years, they dreamt of food in excess, or perhaps their fondest memory is of some indulgent aunt or gramma hovering over them crying, ?eat! eat! you’re so skinny?.

fine. that was then. this is now. (she says as she snarfles down the rest of the cherry, somewhat angrily). back in the old days, you were walking barefoot ten miles (each way) to school, or out toiling in the fields or whatever, & a little gluttony was just good fuel. hello? it’s 2002 now. get over that hovering-on-the-brink-of-famine mentality. & for cryin’ out loud stop bringing chocolate covered cherries to the office & setting the fucking things on my desk. i mean it (she says as she eyes the lone remaining piece).

29 thoughts on “how to eat a chocolate covered cherry

  1. I’m on my way out to the store to buy some chocolate covered cherries. Can I get you anything?kd? jon? c.c? You sure? Well, okay then, but you’re not getting any of mine.

  2. Ha! I have a whole jar of mini chocolate bars in here. Though I forget about em – they’re really for the fellow chocoholics that drop by my office. But! The big pile of Ferrero Rocher chocolates is another matter….mmmmmmm…decadent.

    So, can anyone tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue? Now there’s a party game…

  3. if only it were that simple. if only i could pluck the offending calorie-laden morsels from their tray & put them anywhere else but in my mouth. but no. if you put scrumptious candy on my desk, i will eat it. i will not be able to help myself. no matter how i long to fit back into my favorite pants.

  4. Don’t forget what those taste like, kd…..you and me (and most likely a dozen others)…..vegas…cherries…..chocolate…….yummmmm

  5. It’s strange that almost no one would push booze on an alcoholic or drugs on an addict, but people think nothing of pushing food on self-proclaimed dieters, food addicts, and compulsive overeaters. Of course, telling me I *can’t* have something is almost as bad as feeding my habit, so maybe there’s just no pleasing me ….

  6. aHA! this was my point exactly (well, when i wasn’t trying to describe the candy in playful & seductive ways). it’s the people who keep thinking your protests are some kind of cry for reassurance, so they say, oh you haven’t gained any weight, you look great, here’s a big ole jar of honey roasted cashews, have some almond roca, let’s go for cream of broccoli soup in huge bread bowls…

    damn. i’m hungry.

  7. you know, the bread bowl with the creamy or cheesy soup is one of those perfect comfort food. eating it is such a primal experience, tearing the bread carefully & dipping it, getting your fingers all in the soup. it’s heaven.

    only problem is, the place i get these is a deli near work, so it’s always at work that i eat this. & after consuming a bread bowl full of soup, the only thing i’m really any good for is a nice nap, so it does interfere with productivity.

    it’s worth it.

  8. kd mentioned cherries and kd mentioned sex. On a totally unrelated note, I’ll take it on myself to mention that I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue.

  9. i’ve tried to do that, but i think my efforts may have been hampered by the fact i was drunk on the kind of drinks that have cherries in them at the time.

    it would be a great icebreaker at parties though. we must have such a contest at blogcon.

  10. Aaahhh….. Temptation. What a wonderful thing. Here’s the deal, if we can get you to give into temptation when we say something like, “Would you like some chocolate?”, then we can probably get you to give in when we say something like, “Would you like an orgasm?” Or…….. perhaps I’m completely under sexed and I’m just projecting…… But at any rate you might want to take a hard look at the motivations of this person giving you forbidden fruit.

  11. oh, it’s obvious that he lusts after me, but i honestly don’t think that’s the point here — he’s just one of those “feed everybody” kind of fat guys. unless it excites him when i get seriously snippy & bitchy & cuss him out. it doesn’t appear to.

  12. “So, can anyone tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue? Now there’s a party game…”

    Oh damn! I ended up marrying the last girl with that skill… I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean, but it turns guys on to no end…

  13. Thanks to all of you! I just decided not to eat that much but then you mentioned:

    Chocolate covered cherries, cream of broccoli soup in huge bread bowls, spinach and ‘choke dip, mini chocolate bars, a big pile of Ferrero Rocher chocolates …etc.

    Thanks. No really.

    PS: Actually something like this: “…gramma hovering over them crying, eat! eat! You’re so skinny…” happend to me today. A neighbour told me I was way too skinny and I should eat more. She was really concerned about my health. I never heard something as funny as this before. Okay, I?m not what one would consider fat but I?m also definitely not SKINNY. People are crazy!

  14. while at the meeting in DC last week, a man i’ve known for about six years came up to me and said “you’ve lost a lot of weight, haven’t you.” i replied “yes.” he responded “are you OK?” “of course… it was intentional. “good… i was concerned that your health had suffered.” was his response. it’s true, many people think that when we reach nearly 50 years, and then drop weight, that we’ve become ill. it’s not always true. 🙂 (and get those chocolate-covered cherries AWAY from me!!!! 🙂

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