all quiet on the western front

euphoria to despair, one moment to the next. all the time. if i am bipolar, i have the shortest cycle imaginable. not sure why this is. healthy/whole to fragmented/sick in seconds. tired, wired, excited, numb, rush, crash.

i imagine myself at some point in the future looking back on all this & wondering how i survived. at that point i will be contented, fulfilled, complete. i think this is possibly only an insane fantasy, considering the present facts, & my history.

there are a few constants within these wild mood swings & they may in fact be the causes/inspirations/reasons why this happens. emotions, unrequited ones, quite powerful ones. obsessions that colour my days psychedelic 60’s hazy bright, occasionally exquisite but more often than not disturbing & chaotic. i’m in something here, & what it is isn’t good for me, but better or worse, here i am.

overall, i am quite delighted with the situation & have high hopes for the eventual poem or two, this is where they come from. this place, this mess, right here/now. i worry that this delights me, but better or worse, this is me.

it’s a quiet night on the internet & i’m preparing to click over to chat, to fill the rest of this evening & distract me from my self. i do love this life; better or worse, it is mine, what i have created &/or brought upon myself.

5 thoughts on “all quiet on the western front

  1. “euphoria to despair, one moment to the next. all the time. if i am bipolar, i have the shortest cycle imaginable. not sure why this is. healthy/whole to fragmented/sick in seconds. tired, wired, excited, numb, rush, crash. ”

    It?s the hormones! Have some chocolate and tea and relax!

  2. it’s not the usual hormonal suspects, really. it’s some different ones. but those hormones did have some fun in chat so, they’re a little less rowdy today. however the day is young.

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