i’m not a nervous wreck, i’m not frantic. but i can feel the craving, a fierce & urgent energy. i ran out several hours ago, more or less on purpose. yeah, again. hey, i’m trying. don’t know if i’m ready but i’ll take all this trying as a good sign, if you don’t mind. & recently, even in the times i wasn’t trying, the idea has been there, & these things are all new, well, new to this particular episode of quitting.
how many times have i quit? three, for periods of several months to a little over a year. four, if you count circumstances beyond my control. always, the giving it up was wretched, the going back was bliss.
i don’t know where i’m going with this. how about, to bed early? yes.