like a fine wine

so Jon had some things to say about getting old, rather prematurely i might add. not only is 40 not old, he’s not even 40 yet, according to his bio. so this got me to thinking about the whole process, & i am forced to conclude i’m completely ok with 40, or, well, technically 41, but close enough.

do i wish i was 30 again? no. do you know where i was on my thirtieth birthday? that’s right, jail. (apparently it’s against the law to write lots & lots of really bad checks). do i wish i was 20 again? no. do you know where i was on my twentieth birthday? either do i.

actually come to think of it the 40th birthday was not so great. it caused a good many older people to go on & on about how not-old i was at the time, yadda yadda yadda. at the time i honestly didn’t want to hear about the stuff that falls apart in the fifth or sixth decades of life. i still don’t. i figure i’ll be better off not dreading things too vividly.

now, my 41st birthday was the best ever, by far. & so far this year, i’d have to say that my life’s better than it’s ever been. i’ve made vast improvements in almost every aspect of my self & my life, & yes there are still some major items on my improvement agenda, but i believe i’ll be able to manage. now, i don’t know if my belief is based in some youthful delusions, or a sign of my diminishing capacity, or founded on actual practical rational facts, but i don’t think that matters, because these days i am first & foremost a pragmatist. i take things under advisement with grains of salt, & i don’t discount the possibilities just because i’m not holding my breath. i’m still the same crazy dreamer i’ve always been, but i’m much more grounded than i’ve ever was.

the only real objection to being this age is physical, & most of my regrets involve not appreciating this body of mine back when. if i could say anything to 20 year old me, i’d tell her, dammit girl! you’re not fat! stop hating your body!

not that she’d listen. but that’s what i’d tell her.

5 thoughts on “like a fine wine

  1. I just can’t think about going back – because I’d not do anything differently but then still have to go through all the angst and traumas. Seems more nightmareish really. And I’m starting to feel better about most things in life – and learning when not to give a damn and when not to take things too seriously. I think I’m learning to – gasp – relax!

    Let’s hear it for grounded craziness! Yeehooo!

  2. heh — so i re-read that & it occurs to me that the older folks were trying to tell me pretty much the same thing as i would tell my younger self — except, of course, the part where the proctologist puts on his gloves & ….

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