today we will review an apparent fashion trend that seems to have slipped in under the radar: i had no idea it was spandex season! but it is, at least at von’s.
girl 1: wearing skintight and very thin, bronze spandex pants with a slight flare at the ankle. the slightly shimmery fabric clung to her bethonged butt, showing off the wonders of a good workout program and a serendipitous gift of just the right padding. ?excellent?, i thought, watching the gently graceful undulations as she walked down the soup aisle, ?except, not a good choice if you don’t want strangely hypnotized people following you around the store.? conclusion: thumbs up.
girl 2: oh, honey. you have a cute figure, you do, don’t change a thing — except the low-rise stretch pants and the crop top. that, you should change. just a little more fabric, with a little less cling, and that little extra you would be oh, so hot, instead of just being, well, kinda clumpy in places. a pair of comfy hiphugger jeans and a wispy little shirt would still let you show off the cute navel ring, but please, dear, lose the lycra. conclusion: thumbs down.
this has been a public service announcement to make sure people understand that spandex, while comfy, has consequences. serious ones. be careful out there. you could put somebody’s eye out.