unconditional love

?tossing a cigarette i think there’s one in my raincoat
we smoked the last one an hour ago
so i looked at the scenery
she read her magazine
and the moon rose over an open field?*

how the fuck did they manage to be so calm? they were out of cigarettes!

it is the love a parent has for a wayward child. imagine mr. and mrs. bundy saying, we love our ted, we just hate what he’s done. separating the child from the deed.

this is how it is with me and the cigarettes. i love them, i just hate what they do. why must they be so violent? so unrepentant? i still love them. the taste, the satisfying feeling, the pacifier for lips and soul both — not to mention addiction. and, goddess knows i’m an addict in so many ways. if you have doubts, look around you now (blogging? things of that nature?) there. see?

so i’m still keeping the kids ’round the house. still upset with them for what they do, but not ready to let go and say, fry ’em, they have no redeeming value.

even though i know they cannot ever find this redemption. they must go. danger to society, all that.

but when they are gone, i will be left bereft. no doubt about it.

*simon and garfunkel, ?america?

11 thoughts on “unconditional love

  1. Pah! Who am I to disagree when I’m cross-addicted? I mean, my blog is called ‘Coffee and Cigarettes’ for pete’s sake.

    Did you ever hear the YES version of that song? It was on an early LP… maybe even their first, not sure. It’s a great tune, either way.

  2. yes!! i had the live version of it on the other side of a “cassette single” of the song “lift me up” — bought some ten years ago or so, oh, that was an awesome version of the song.

    actually was hunting around on the web for it the other day, didn’t find it.

  3. Actually, I smoked for maybe 7-8 years. I kicked the habit when I was about 24… Aeons ago. And I don’t miss it a bit. Alcohol now… Theres a horse of a different color. The best I’ve been able to do is to change what I specialised in. I’vebeen through beer, vodka, rum, whisky, and now rum again… *sigh*

  4. i found you via Sheila and was reading this and had to comment. i quit smoking as of 2 am yesterday, so i’m coming up on the 24 hour mark… you expressed everything so perfectly, song lyrics and all.

  5. I really don’t know what it’s going to take for me to quit… I’ll probably still be smoking thru a hole in my neck after they remove my larynx from cancer… honestly!

    waaaaah….

    Know what else? My full name is “Kathleen” and I used to ride Greyhound buses for a living (when I wasn’t hitch-hiking) and that song is my song… *sigh*

  6. i don’t think non-smokers could ever truly understand; i tried to quit two days ago, and went through more emotional trauma than physical/addiction trauma. i felt i had to say “goodbye forever” to a dear, old friend. sick. i’m sick. i can not part with my ciggies. i don’t want to. i quit when i found out i was preggo. cold turkey–because i didn’t want my Roo to be harmed. i did so well for two years . *two full years*–and that whole time, i ached for them. i longed for them. i would see others with them, and pine for them. it’s a sickness…a deeply rooted sickness. i always thought maybe it’s cause my parents smoked, and i’ve basically (second-hand) smoked all my life. then as an adult, it was second nature to pick up the cig and light it. i’ll never get over it. i’ll always be either a smoker or an ex-smoker.

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