first, i have to decide if i really care. of course i care, what am i saying? i have to decide how much feeling selfrighteous and goodygoody i can take. bad girl, remember? bad. rebellious. eschewer of advice, ever defensive of my right to habitual acts of fun/sins of omission with the cumulative effect of selfdestruction.

so i have to decide. and i haven’t yet, so don’t quote me on any of this, or harass me if i decide against deciding just yet.

but so far, a few weird things have happened, almost effortlessly. (one) water. say, 3 liters a day. (two) posture. i’ve been sitting up straight, both feet on the floor. this has everything to do with (three) breathing, and i’m doing a whole lot more of that now than i have in recent memory. hell, i’m thisclose to getting up early enough to go walk in the mornings — last two mornings i was off the sofa by 7:30, no later, which is… inexplicable.

i don’t quite know what’s happening, if i’m making it happen, or if it’s out of my hands. pretty happy about it, if that helps. but what about the beer and cigarettes? is what i wanna know.

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and in the hard to keep track of department, we have some movers and changers:

virtual movers – LinkmeisterKarePete

and, Eric is going to move into a new (actual) house!

7 thoughts on “willpower

  1. no, they’re not here. but i want to go get them, i think they might be lonesome without me.

    i decided not to make the decision without trying first — so i chewed some assflavored nicotine gum. and it didn’t help.

    well, i’ve cut down, is for sure. i resist rather than just assume an unqualified yes and go rushing off to the store. baby steps, baby.

  2. that is correct, baby steps. wish I had the willpower to take them, I puff like a chimney. but give up beer?! that golden liquid is the nectar of the gods :)….

  3. I am very proud of you KD! Life is so good and you DO deserve it! The more you take care of your body the more it WILL take care of you! I don’t know how else to say how happy I am for you except my traditional, “HUGGLES” so I hope that is good enough? 🙂

  4. wow, can i have some of what you’re having? you sound like you’re in a really good place, kd – that’s great! baby steps will still get you there.

    i guess i take breathing for granted… but not today! today i will breathe deliberately and think of you at the beach, whilst i look out over the deadness of winter in western NY. some people have all the luck… 🙂

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