No, I did not off myself, but I did cry on the way home from Walmart. By the time I got home I started wondering what sort of person cries over the loss of a blog? Better yet, what sort of person cries over the abrupt loss of a blog the day she is mentioned in the newspaper of one of the largest cities in the United States of America?
This bitch right here.
I was perfectly normal with kd. I even sounded quite put together to Gordon. Ohhh, I think that for whatever reason, maybe the blog wasn’t meant to be seen by someone who would have picked up that paper. I have to trust God’s ultimate purpose. Then for about half an hour I complained to my mom, who didn’t have a fucking clue what I was talking about. Blog? What’s a blog? Can’t you just mail the essays? I don’t get it. Blog? What’s a blog?
There are three important lessons I have learned today:
1. The blog has meant far more to me than I even knew. I had no idea how much of myself came out in it. I had no idea how much of a release it has been for me. I had no idea what a comfort it is waking up to daily sardonicism.
2. It’s just a blog. You can begin a new blog and a new place that you own yourself, which is what I’m in the process of doing. Well, kd is in the process of doing. It’s just a blog. You can still breath. You can still write. Your son still shits his diaper and cries when his mobile stops.
3. No golden opportunity just falls into your lap. Not if you are me anyways. When things don’t work out as your little heart had so wanted them to, it’s not a good idea to feel sorry for yourself for too long. It is however, good to follow my mom’s advice, which was,”You just need to learn to get out there and kick some ass!”
They say a blog will never make you famous. Mine almost did. Does that count? Do I get a cookie? Do I get a golden ticket to New York City where I’ll wear knee boots and buy glasses without lenses because I don’t need them? Will I ever wear pencils in my hair? Do lunch? Talk about penile implants with Patrick Swayze when he’s in his 60’s?
Not without my blog I won’t.