pets and parents

first, Jessica and i were discussing parents and pets*, and thenOgGogBeBog was talking issues with parents and pets that itch their asses on the rug. reminded me:

i used to have a poodle that did that dragging-the-anus-across-the-carpet for relief thingy. charlie, to me. charles maurice of touch?, to the rest of you. son of ch. mister of touch? and mignionette XVI, thank you very much. but he was just my doggie.

turns out it was a glandular thing. medication could help, but it required surgery to correct. that poodle was my best friend during my turbulent adolescence. he knew me like no human ever even tried to. he understood. i could tell you stories of charlie’s brightness. he could take himself for walks, which was good, because the yard could not hold him.

i moved out at nineteen or twenty or something and while i was gone, they decided the dog needed that surgery. at the same time, their seventy-six vw superbeetle needed work. they fixed the car and had the dog put to sleep.

i’d have put the car to sleep. or i’d have paid for the surgery. but they didn’t call me to ask. i was selling electroluxes in san jose at the time, i’d have made people buy expensive vacuums that suck real hard to pay for my dog’s surgery. but no.

parents. can’t live with ’em, wouldn’t have been born without ’em.

actually, i was adopted, so i got born kind of on my own, but still. parents. huh.

*no, you’re not going crazy, i did edit that. you may still be going crazy, but don’t blame me, ok?

17 thoughts on “pets and parents

  1. Sorry about your pooch… and your turtle. I don’t get people that aren’t sensitive to animals. I just don’t get them.

    Hey, by the way, your blog is my favorite daily read now. You is some kinda funny! And smart too. I like that combination…

  2. isn’t she? smart as a whip i tell ya.. and a rapist wit to boot.. I have a dog Charlie too 🙂 He’s not asleep yet though..

  3. You know, kd, every comment I come up with for this one just comes across as way too obscene and cruel-to-one’s-elders if one wasn’t privy to our chat. But I’m chuckling up a storm over here. Oh man.

  4. I read the next post before I read this one.
    Now I want to hug you – and then go kill your parents.
    Don’t worry – we’ll just call it putting them to sleep.
    Maybe I’ll put them in the dryer first. On fluff.
    *goes off to sniffle more and hug her now damp cat*

  5. As you should be, Sal. As you should be. There is nothing quite so embarassing as bringing a girl home to meet momster only to find said maternal unit doing the bootscoot across the avacado colored indoor/outdoor kitchen carpeting.

  6. Most disturbing animal story, the condensed version:

    After giving her enemas and iv drips for a year, my mom had my cat Babycakes put down while I was at a school mandated camp trip. My mother knew I’d be crushed so she put that dead cat in the half empty bulk meat freezer in the basement. My mother planned to keep her in there until we could arrange a proper memorial. Babycakes stayed in the freezer for six years. Eventually my mother put a lock on the freezer, both because my brother thought the box was his ice cream cake and I kept trying to sneak the cat out for a low key burial.

    My parents moved while I was at boarding school. My mom buried the cat under a dogwood tree. It’s just not right.

  7. ok. it should read like this: issues with parents [,]
    and pets that itch their asses on the rug — two different things. parent issues — pet issues. different issues. but related.

    oh, i give up, yeah, my mom used to do that all the time. drove me bananas, i just made up the part about the dog.

  8. kd: parental bootscooting aside, you’re parents were wrong. putting a dog down because it’s ass is itchy is just… wrong.

  9. i forget what happened to the car. perhaps it was traded in on that green grenada they had for awhile in the 80’s.

    and yeah, i don’t get their reasoning. oh, there’s a prequel to this entry, my parents were … not the most sensitive animal owners. i wrote both of these last night after reading Og (Peanut Gallery). i’m going to post it later today or tomorrow.

    and don’t even get me started about the turtle i had, that charlie’s mom-dog chewed on, they told me it died but then it was walking across the yard with its shell all broken and i thought it had been buried alive and dug itself up, but really it had escaped from where they’d hidden it (in the dryer. the dryer ferfucksake.)

  10. Wow… I too read the previous post before this one… Bummer. But Peanut Galery, that thing with the freezer is just… strange. peeeuuuu…

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