potty training

the fifteen or twenty minutes it takes the coffee to brew are the worst minutes of the day. damn slow coffemaker. proof that if you try to do many things, you will not do them as well as you could — the combination of coffee, espresso, and cappuccino foamer, well, it’s a bit much i suppose.

what feels even worse is, if you are drawn (as a good ‘net junkie ought to be) to check your email first thing, and you hear the bathroom door close behind the other occupant of the house (who takes a long, long time in there and makes it uninhabitable afterward).

that did not happen this morning. i’m just not focused on this post just yet and i needed to put something so all that bad language isn’t right at the top. so, i go to clean things up, and end up posting about the potty anyway.

i think living with a four year old boy gets to you after awhile. everything’s about the poopy, or the peepee. and you know, since he got into playing computer games, incidents involving him bouncing around the house hollering about ‘poop’ are way down, while incidents of actual poop are way up — he loves his computer so much, and these online games don’t seem to have pause buttons? or maybe my kid doesn’t have a pause function built in him? because, his potty training’s gone down the tubes. well, not the plumbing tubes. no.

i’m working on it. limited success (at least when he does it he’s scared, ’cause he knows no more puter for however long). but i need it to stop. he’s going to be five in june. i need the poop to stop.

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forty-nine came out rather well.

31 thoughts on “potty training

  1. OMG kd! That poem generator is the bees knees hahaha
    my poem *peeing pants laughing*

    Blog tons o fun.. anyway..
    but she must be good
    people? One of senior
    citizens on over
    the
    sea yaccs mumbling*
    f*ckers.. as*holesOk..
    they are
    weird
    people all sorts of bleach and forth
    and visors
    were laughing so before I tell
    it..

  2. i like her boyfriend. or, to be more accurate, the guy who was her boyfriend but they broke up but they’re still living together as friends that share a one bedroom, one bed apartment. huh.

    hrmmm. she makes him sleep on the floor, right?

    I’ve deceided to use the <i> tag as much as possible so that I can make Dvorak even grumpier. It is my mission in life.

  3. I think, if you don’t mind, that I will forward this post to my daughter – who has a 5 year old step-son who still occasionally wets the bed (lotsa mom-stepmom-dad-sibling stuff going on there). He and his 3 year old 1/2 brother (her son – who, btw, does NOT wet the bed) both have POTTY MOUTHS – they are very gleeful about poopy and fart and the noises that come with the words. ;-)) Grammas smile – mommies wince – and we all sometimes clean up the poop. POOP! Good luck
    >..

  4. *gasp* if i wasn’t so darn lazy i’d have put an “email this entry” form thingy on these pages. it would’ve been handy!

    i shall do that just in case this ever, ever, happens again, which since i never thought it would happen in the first place, it seems unlikely to happen again but just in case… just in case.

  5. hey, look, and i put in the email thingy too. ooh, i haven’t tested it yet. maybe i should do that. or work. i could work. i have work to do, not that you could tell…

  6. Work? Work? Work?

    Good grief, kd: it’s Friday afternoon in California; we’re not allowed to work!

    I mean, look: Scott worked and they kicked him out of the state.

    …or maybe that was from that other thing. Hmmm…

    Anyway, work is prohibited!

  7. I remember the time when Megan came and woke me up at 6am, announcing proudly “I poohed”. She neglected to mention that the’d poohed by the toilet not in it! She got the hang of it in the end though. Kids – you’ve got to love them – so they say 😉

  8. I must say that my boys ages 3 and 5 are potty trained but thier mouths are not. We hear poop and fart fart all the time. I must admite I am not taking this very well. any suggestions on how to get the “potty mouth ” trained!!!!!!!
    ladybug

  9. unfortunately, i have never known a little boy that could resist saying ‘poop’ and ‘fart’ (and then laughing hysterically). i’d like to say it’s a phase, but how many grown men still consider potty humor to be hysterically funny?

    i think not reacting to it might help? i know when i used to get upset about it (it does wear on your nerves, doesn’t it?), it made it worse. not showing any reaction takes some of the pleasure out of using the bad words.

    i have a very relaxed parenting style.

  10. The new mom across the hall from me likes to give poop updates about her six week old son. Last nite’s report: He hadn’t pooped in a week, and then she saw him squinch up, so she figured one was coming. She ripped off his diaper (thinking, I guess, that it would be easier to clean up if not ground into the pampers?). He proceeded to poop. She cleaned up. He pooped some more. She cleaned up. He pooped some more. She cleaned up. He pooped one last time. She cleaned up.

    I got home from work and she was DELIGHTED! With herself and with him, I think. I hope she enjoyed my reminder that reporting this to me was WIERD!

  11. too bad Paige is away for the weekend… she’s fairly obsessed with flatulence and poop jokes. ah! I’ll just use the convenient ’email this entry’ form so cleverly whipped up by our beloved hostess, kd!

  12. jadedju — your neighbors are a little too into the poop. delighted — is not normal.

    scott — thanks! i’m glad somebody’s using it!

  13. i think relieved would be a better reaction. and taking off the diaper? just doesn’t seem wise. it’s what diapers are for. keeping poop off surfaces in the house.

  14. dan: i was merely given a stern talking to for working on friday in california. it was, indeed, that other thing i was run out of the state for. i’m thinking of sneaking back in for a visit in 2003 shhhhhh.

  15. I wish I knew what to say. I can’t help but think at this very moment how happy I am to have had a vasectomy.

    We are thinking of adopting, though. I’m lobbying for the adoption of someone with a full scholarship to a university far, far away. Perhaps even a graduate student. I want to be proud of my child and have her get the education I was too manic to complete.

    The poopy? I’d just as soon bypass that stage. And given that I want a daughter, she has to be a lesbian. Men are pigs and I don’t think my fragile mind could handle her dating boys. Think “Meet the Parents”, multiply DeNiro’s character by an order of magnitude and you’ll get some idea of what I’d be like in the eyes of a young man trying to win my daughter’s heart.

    Oh how I’d love my lesbian daughter.

  16. for awhile i thought my daughter was a lesbian — she would wear nothing but men’s clothing, and no makeup. turns out, the clothes were just comfy.

    i like her boyfriend. or, to be more accurate, the guy who was her boyfriend but they broke up but they’re still living together as friends that share a one bedroom, one bed apartment. huh.

  17. yeppers. i get a lotta that. [sigh]

    i’m worried if i get too freaked, i’ll make him “anal retentive”, which is theoretically potty training gone wrong, right?

    at this point, i don’t really care anymore.

  18. If I remember my psych 101 correctly, you are correct, kd. 😉

    mmm…a pause button for our children. If only I could invent one. I’d be rich beyond my wildest dreams! mauaaah!

  19. reminds me of a douglas adams book where these scientists had just solved the question of the universe or something, but it went unnoticed due to the invention of an off switch for children and a fly that could fly through the open half of a half open window.

    or something like that. yeah, a pause button would be nice.

  20. heya kd – ladybug is the daughter I sent this to – we both neglected to tell you that her dad has a “Fred” doll that you squeeze his finger and her makes rude comments about his flatulence – her sons LOVE it and the Grandpa who bought it is NO BETTER!!
    pull my finger fred can be found here:
    http://www.gagworks.com/gwp_0443.htm

    and for Scott who apparently wants pooplike objects – try this:
    http://www.poopmoose.com/

    I think “gagworks” is right – heh
    >..

  21. oh. mercy.

    i can sort of understand the novelty. wait. no i can’t. eating something that comes out of a moose’s butt? even a toy moose?

    then again, people drink that luwak coffee where the beans have been pooped out my a monkey, something about the digestive juices making it extra-special tasting.

    i don’t care how good it’s supposed to be. i really don’t. ICK!

  22. our biggest seller at the moment at the store where i work is a small pig on a keychain that poops when you squeeze it….it’s an epidemic!

  23. Oooooh! A squeezy pooping pig keychain! I’ve been looking for one of those! Oh wait. No I haven’t.

    I am curious, though: does the squeezy pig actualy excrete pooplike objects that are separate from itself, or does it’s rectum merely prolapse?

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