one of the many reasons i have this obsessive compulsive web presence here, there, damn near everwhere, is that it brings the attention. incase you think of me as altruistic, remember, i’m in this for me. me. me.
in school, from grade to middle to high, i was quite the not popular person. the weird kid, an only child, mildly socially retarded if i do say so myself. still have those issues with interpersonal interaction. going to work? people say hi. people who, after almost three years i’m still hard pressed to glibly rattle off names. it’s a struggle. i never learned to interact. i say hi back to them, and try to sometimes say hi first. poke my head into offices if they don’t see me, rather than try not to be seen. it’s a start. i’m learning. occasionally i strike up an actual, conversation-like thing. not sure what it is. i’m trying.
so i’m attention-starved in the greater sense — i have overmuch attention from a few factions in r/l (not in a good way, ok? but let’s not go into how much too much my boss ‘likes’ me) but otherwise? invisible.
on the web? no. visible here.
quite visible, by design. i do this on purpose. lesson of yesterday: if hungry for attention/comments, just peek out of the closet and *wave* — great reaction. i sometimes if not most of the time do things thinking of the reaction. write for the audience, and in doing so, for myself, because what i want is, an audience. people to listen.
i’ve got that. this is working out well.
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