school days

the invitation said something about fun, but what they meant was fund – as in raiser. i was hoping there would be tours of the school and opportunities to meet teachers, but what there was, was, a lot of people, a lot of game booths, some overpriced barbecue, and, well, a lot of people. most of them seemed to know each other, from somewhere, neighbors probably — we’re reclusive, so, we were on our own.

so we played, well, kurtwood played, i hung around watching him anxiously as he played on the rather impressive jungle gym. there were children of many ages playing there, as there will be when he starts school there. he’ll be in the new class, amidst a wide variety of ages. elementary school. when he starts, in a few months, he will still be my little guy. but by the time he’s done there, he’ll be … i looked at the older boys, and into my own near future.

and i wanted to take time, and bring it gently to a full stop, and slide the lever into reverse. i was stricken with sudden fierce nostalgia for my own youth, to once again be flipping over the parallel bars and climbing carelessly up high, to have it all in front of me, to begin again. and if not that then to keep my little boy, very likely my last child, young a while longer. not to lose the little boy as he fades away into a potentially sullen and troubled almost-adolescent like those older boys, the age he will be when he finishes up with this school.

intently, i observed the politics of childhood, from the perspective of my own memories, projecting my son’s path through the same changes. the intricacy of the social heirarchy of school, as evidenced by the way he hesitated to play on the school equipment because ‘that’s for five year olds’. he’s quite fixated on five. five is so much more than four. five is school. five is the beginning of no longer being my little guy.

underneath the plastic rock climbing wall, there is the imprint of a dinosaur skeleton, complete with graffiti because it is no doubt a great sheltered place for afterhours mischief. my son spent some time under there, tossing tanbark in the air.

and time moves on, and takes our children to school with it, into a different world. however, he’s still four, and i’m going to appreciate every day of four we have left. and every day after that of course. but things, well, they are changing fast now.


Time Stand Still (Rush)

I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath,
Before I start off again
Driven on,
Without a moment to spend
To pass an evening
With a drink and a friend

I let my skin get too thin
I’d like to pause,
No matter what I pretend
Like some pilgrim
Who learns to transcend
Learns to live
As if each step was the end

Time stand still
I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
Time stand still
See more of the people
And the places that surround me now
Time stand still

Freeze this moment
A little bit longer
Make each sensation
A little bit stronger
Experience slips away…
Experience slips away…
Time stand still

I turn my face to the sun
I close my eyes
I let my defenses down
All those wounds
That I can’t get unwound

I let my past go too fast
No time to pause
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain,
Whose ship runs aground
I can wait until the tide comes around

Time stand still
I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
Time stand still
See more of the people
And the places that surround me
Now

Freeze this moment
A little bit longer
Make each sensation
A little bit stronger

Make each impression
A little bit stronger
Freeze this moment
A little bit longer

The innocence slips away…
The innocence slips away…
Time stand still
Time stand still

I’m not looking back
But I want to look around me now
See more of the people
And the places that surround me now
Time stand still

Summer’s going fast
The nights growing colder
Children growing up
Old friends growing older

Freeze this moment
A little bit longer
Make each sensation
A little bit stronger
Experience slips away…
Experience slips away…
The innocence slips away…

15 thoughts on “school days

  1. happy mother’s day. has anyone told you lately that kurtwood looks just like you? he looks just amazing in that dino pic.

  2. Hee – Kurtwood looks so very serious in the dino photo – is it because he had to stop and get his pic taken or because he was thinking serious “when I’m 5” thoughts? Happy mother’s day!

  3. Helloooo? (hellooooo, hellooooo, hellooooo.) It’s a little echo-y here, but I can’t wait to help you fill up the new place.

    Mind if I do a coupla cartwheels in this open space over —>here? Thanks. I’ll shut off the lights when I go.

  4. Yeah, Happy Mother’s Day. And lets hope that your son’s patrh through life will be filled with happiness, so that he does not end up like those sullen older boys you mentioned… 🙂

  5. that’s lovely, kd. that put me on the verge of tears. special mothers in this world really make a big difference in their kid’s life. and you’re one of them. kurtwood’s a fine boy kd, so lovable.. he’ll do you proud. he will. one day he’ll get to read this, your fears, your dreams, your expectations, etc… and he’ll do you proud. god bless the boy.

  6. well, i think it’s pretty standard to carry a bit of sullenness around in early adolescence…. hormones or something.

    and to be honest it would be weird if they didn’t get a little angsty at that stage.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *