in which i lie to the po-lice man

officer: do you know why i pulled you over?
me: (all perky, ’cause i know the answer to this one, and i know it’s not that bad) because my registration’s expired!
officer: well, is it registered, you just haven’t put the stickers on?
me: no, it isn’t registered, but, i am licensed and insured!
officer: well show me what paperwork you have. why isn’t it registered?
me: umm, because things have been really tough, and, babble babble etc and so forth
officer: are you on probation or parole?
me: (perky, i know the answer to this one too) no!

*sigh* i didn’t tell him it’s because i’m a flake with weird-ass priorities. i didn’t mention that if i’d quit smoking when i said i was gonna, i’d have so much money right now. i didn’t mention i consider DSL a utility just like electricity or gas. i didn’t tell him about the bodies in the trunk or the …. wait, where was i? nevermind.

so, i have a month to deal with it and a handy fix-it ticket in my glove box that will keep me from getting any other fix it-tickets.

hey, i was gonna get around to it, ok? really. the ticket will just help me focus my priorities.

24 thoughts on “in which i lie to the po-lice man

  1. Oh, I’ve had a number of those. In my case, none of the preceding ones had any impact on the ones that followed, I still got them.

  2. no, the cop even told me, if i show them the ticket they won’t give me another one. then he said, ‘this is a fix-it ticket, do you know what to do when you get it fixed?’ and i was all, oh yeah, i know.

    the fix-it ticket itself only costs ten bucks to get signed off. it’s the registering the car that is gonna cost me. not that bad, but…

  3. I’ve got an idea — I’ll pay your registration, and you serve my license suspension! 😉

    So when does the moron from the newspaper post come back and lecture you for lying to the police??

  4. well, you won’t get one from ME, mine was due last november… i finally paid it last week but i still have to get it smogged. and i forgot to send my proof of insurance. i think i haven’t gotten a ticket yet ’cause i do most my driving at night, on the freeway.
    and i’m asleep when car smog places are awake.
    great rationalization, eh?

  5. i’m afraid the moron from the newspaper post would cite this as more ‘bad financial karma’. and you know, being a flake has its consequences.

    however, i am thrilled to report that that whole tech stock crash thing? didn’t hurt me a bit. hey, there are advantages to being poor and financially irresponsible.

  6. it’s so rude how the bills arrive with due dates on them. it really just doesn’t fit with my lifestyle. it may have been a constitutional violation, however, under Ashcroft everything is different.

    Oh, how I identify with this post. It’s bad, it’s very bad.

  7. ya know, there was one really cool part. in the past, i’ve had different addresses on most everything — i’m not a big change-of-addresser — but this time, license, (expired) registration, and insurance were all coming to the same address! i felt almost respectable.


  8. an interesting difference between your-there-parts and these-here-parts. for one, the cops out this way don’t have enough to do, so any slight mistake warrants a ticket. no warning. just ticket. for two, they never ask “are you on probation or parole?”…because any offense is a big enough fish to fry. they don’t pick their battles. every motorist is a potential chunk of NY state revenue. so, if you happen to be a city slicker and wander out to these-here-parts, do not: go over the speed limit, under the minimum speed limit, drive without tail-lights headlights functioning lights signal lights brake lights driving lights front plates back plates registration etc, or thou shalt surely be ticketed.

    the end.

  9. Wait a minute. They already do tax your gas, remember?

    Ali is right about tickets out here; the only way to beat a ticket in the court parking lots is to be a juror–you just turn them in to the bailiff the following morning. Small compensation for the loss of time involved in a court case, but still…it’s the only time I’ve ever had a ticket “fixed.”

  10. What a bargain! Two po-lice mans and a $10 ticket! Over here in paradise, that fix it ticket is w a a a y more than $10. If you park your car in the state building parking lot (where the courts are) and your meter expires (as is almost inevitable cause you can only have an hour and a half on the meters and the courts give the same starting time to every afternoon case), the parking ticket is $30. Good luck with the registration! DSL/cable is definitely more important 🙂

  11. that’s right! it’s only five bucks per police-man. what a bargain!

    hell, it was almost fun. being pulled over but not being in any much trouble at all, is quite …

    it’s been worse, ok? this sort of thing is almost a pleasure to me. perspective, you know. it’s all about your perspective.

  12. That really made me smile. Staying perky and cheerful as a cop gives you a ticket, any ticket, it’s such a refreshing thing to hear.
    This reminds me though, I need to get a tv lisence. Did you know we have to get a ?100 anual lisence just to own a tv in the uk? It finances the BBC, and I don’t even watch the BBC. Waaaaaaaaaaah!

  13. “the cops out this way don’t have enough to do, so any slight mistake warrants a ticket. no warning. just ticket.”

    Damn, I can relate to that! Just add that cop saying “We do things *a little* different out here…”, once they find out you’re a New Yorker… and you got my (red)neck of the woods.

  14. You crack me up. I always delay license registration for as long as possible. I think the whole thing is a big, fat cash-cow for the government. The fees, at least where I live, are ridiculous!

  15. Last month on my way home from work, I got pulled over. I asked the police ossifer what I had done wrong and he said “I don’t know yet – may I see your license and registration?” I pulled out my registration and the stickers which should have been affixed to my plates were still stapled to the registration. I turned bright red and said “I bet that’s why you pulled me over”. Anyway, he had to run my plates, and I sat there waiting and by the time the computer spewed forth it’s informations, there were 2 police cars and 2 bicycle cops chatting behind me. It had been 10 months with the stickers in my glove box instead of on the plates….

  16. Now I need to know, how do they enforce a TV license? Do they make random checks at homes to see if you are watching?

  17. i’m wondering about that too. are they monitoring the cable subscriptions? do you have to show proof of licensing to get cable?


  18. I have never paid my registration on time…it usually takes me 6 months to a year.

    But no longer…the extra 150 – 200 bucks in fees just sucks my butt.

    But I agree with the having to pay to register…why? We should only have to register once and then merely show proof of insurance and smog cleanliness every year. The gov’ment don’t need more money.

    Tax my gas…that way, it only costs me if I choose to let it cost me. Don’t tax me for owning something…lamers.

  19. he was behind me for a good couple miles, hanging back, getting closer, and i figure finally he got bored and decided to go for the matronly chick in the 7 year old grey buick.

    another bored cop stopped, at one point i had two big po-lice mans in two big po-lice cars, pulling over one aging suburban webgeek (with very cool license plates) for a registration that expired in april.

    such is life. i felt pretty damn important, two whole cops.

  20. They send people round to the houses of anyone who isn’t registered as having a tv lisence. These people have some funky hi-tech gagetry to detect whether you have a tv on in your house, and if you’re caught using an unlisenced tv, there’s a ?1000 fine, and no defense. It sucks bigtime.

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