insomnia and its consequences

it’s four thirty am on a tuesday
it doesn’t get much worse than this
in beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle
of these lives which are completely meaningless
help me stay awake, i’m falling
asleep in perfect blue buildings
beside the green apple sea
i wanna get me a little oblivion, baby,
try to keep myself away from me
counting crows

trying to hold onto the afterglow, and falling anyway. and it’s only two thirty and it’s technically wednesday. and i can’t sleep (again), which is fine.

i spent some time recently delving into the darkside, the angry places that appealed to my lesser judgement. and no more. no sir or madam. this is not where i meant to spend my self. and i am spent. i see people shutting down here and there and this is not what i had in mind, not at all. hence there is this requirement that i disassociate myself from the negativity and embrace what inertia i still posess, however faint it might seem at this moment. i will say this: there is goodness whether you admit it or not. your choice.

so i release the anger. all of it. right now. oh not entirely, surely it will resonate in my veins and bones for some time now. but i will try to free the rest of me and eventually i will be viscerally free. i believe this. foolish as this may or may not seem to you, as you are reading in the light of day this silly late/early strangeness, the sorry state of affairs i’ve expressed here in this mess. it gets better.

peace.

11 thoughts on “insomnia and its consequences

  1. Things get strange in the wee hours of the morning. 8 hours of sleep does wonders for a person’s thinking. Hope you’re doing good today.

  2. Insomnia totally bites. I still have bouts of it occasionally.

    Hey! Kurtwood is starting kindergarten today! How did the morning go?? Was he terribly excited?

  3. Hooray for letting go of anger and finding good!
    It’s almost always true that when you create a void, something so much better, something you never even considered, will come and fill it. ;-*

    Is it really Kurtwood’s first day of kindergarten? OMG, what a little man.

    xoxo

  4. Is there some way we can trade my need for sleep for your insomnia so that I still wouldn’t have enough time to sleep – but I wouldn’t find myself nodding off?

    That makes no sense.
    Don’t mind me…

  5. oh, i still nod off – only during the day. nighttime? wide awake. of course the evening naps make it worse. but there is little choice in the matter, it’s the pattern of my exhaustion.

  6. i love yours too, miss BeGog.

    i might need to get some Ambien or something someday. but as for today, i seem to be wide awake. i slept in a bit though. it’s better to sleep solid from 3:30 to 9:00 than to sleep fitfully for more hours, somehow.

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