it’s four thirty am on a tuesday
it doesn’t get much worse than this
in beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle
of these lives which are completely meaningless
help me stay awake, i’m falling
asleep in perfect blue buildings
beside the green apple sea
i wanna get me a little oblivion, baby,
try to keep myself away from me
trying to hold onto the afterglow, and falling anyway. and it’s only two thirty and it’s technically wednesday. and i can’t sleep (again), which is fine.
i spent some time recently delving into the darkside, the angry places that appealed to my lesser judgement. and no more. no sir or madam. this is not where i meant to spend my self. and i am spent. i see people shutting down here and there and this is not what i had in mind, not at all. hence there is this requirement that i disassociate myself from the negativity and embrace what inertia i still posess, however faint it might seem at this moment. i will say this: there is goodness whether you admit it or not. your choice.
so i release the anger. all of it. right now. oh not entirely, surely it will resonate in my veins and bones for some time now. but i will try to free the rest of me and eventually i will be viscerally free. i believe this. foolish as this may or may not seem to you, as you are reading in the light of day this silly late/early strangeness, the sorry state of affairs i’ve expressed here in this mess. it gets better.