mayonnaise

kd: mayonnaise is yummy
kd: i could eat it from the jar
kd: in fact i often do
matt: It’s Satan’s ejaculate, you know.
kd: it’s eggs
matt: Nope.
kd: yep
matt: That’s just what they tell you.
kd: ooooooooookay


kd: can i still like it?
matt: You must make your own decisions.
kd: i like it. it’s yummy.
matt: I encourage you to stop, but ultimately tis up to you.
kd: then what do you mix with tuna and dill relish to make sammiches?
matt: I don’t.
kd: oh
matt: I make as little use of Tuna as possible.
kd: it’s dolphin safe albacore stuff
matt: I just don’t like the smell.
kd: my kitty and i had an incident with that this evening
matt: I read.
kd: all’s well now
matt: I’d give the cats all the tuna, if it were up to me.
kd: the cats would love you endlessly
matt: http://www.cairine.org/~narcolepticdogs/archives/2000_05.html#000035
matt: There it is, the original mayonnaise rant
kd: ok
kd: um.
matt: It’s quite crazed, I admit.
kd: why am i craving a big knifefull of mayo right now?
matt: But I’m fond of it.
kd: i’m quite salivating
matt: Because we’re all different
kd: perhaps there is evil in me that i have no concept of
matt: I think I said it best at Skarlet’s when I said “One person’s poison is another’s non-poison”
kd: this may get repetetive, but may i post the part from ‘i like mayonnaise’ to ‘we’re all different’?
matt: Sure.
kd: i think IM conversations are a good content replacement tool when i got nothin’.
matt: I use intertestimental judaism for that.
kd: ahhhhhhhhhhh
matt: That’s the entire reason i still have a copy of the Dead Sea Scrolls
kd: of course. i don’t have that, so, i make do
matt: I recommend it.
matt: Get the paperback.
kd: do you suppose amazon carries it?
matt: It’s fun to use to mess with Jesus freaks on the go.
matt: I know they do.
kd: i’ll put it on my Evil Wishlist of Genocidal Doom
matt: The copy I have is The Complete Dead Sea Scrolls in English translated by Gaza Vermes
kd: ok
matt: Got it at Borders
matt: Sorry, Geza Vermes, not Gaza
matt: Gaza is a hotly contested strip of hot desert,
matt: Feeling Hot Hot Hot
kd: okay then
matt: Did you know that Saint Joseph of Cuppertino pulled one of my distant ancestors into the air by his hair and flew him around until he accepted Christ?
kd: i did not know that

13 thoughts on “mayonnaise

  1. Ever have home made mayonnaise*? It’s much better than store bought. Not that it helps if you are passionately against mayonnaise.

    Wasn’t there a bruhaha a couple of years ago about mayonnaise. Like a bad batch or something? Maybe that’s Satan’s Ejaculate* I’m thinking of.

    *Fabu band name
    **Soooooo tempted to write “mayo” because I wasn’t sure of the spelling.

  2. It’s not a sagittarius thing. I was born in December. Mayo is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEvil. I despise mayo more than anyone else in the world. So it has no connection to when you were born.

  3. I absolutely despise mayonnaise. I mean … hate it with a passion. Just looking at it makes me want to puke. Matt has added a whole new level to my hatred of mayo, now that I know where it really comes from. Ick.

  4. A little mayo (not too much to make it mushy), tuna, blackpepper and a touch of ketchup with either celery stalk or green pepper cut up, makes a fine sandwich filling. Just mix it all up. BTW, get the tuna packed in spring water, not the one in oil.

    To eat mayo. from a bottle directly, YUCK!!!

  5. shutup jhames. no tuna casserole for YOU. i LOVELOVELOVE mayo. and it’s gotta be the REAL stuff, no low-fat shit. mmm mmm baby! maybe it’s a sagittarius thing … LOL!

  6. Best Foods; mayo of choice for Hawai’i folk. Used in tuna salad, macaroni salad. We have a newspaper columnist out here who formed some kind of int’l hate mayo association, but nobody took him seriously. I forwarded Matt’s screed to him a while back; never got an answer (snarl…the jerk’s Mom used to live right across the street, and sheltered from Hurricane Iniki in ’91 in my family room!).

  7. You’re all of The Devil, but especially Ratty.

    Do you even know what happens to mayonnaise when it spoils? BOTOX. Think about it.

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