over at JeanNINE‘s, i found this great virtual model thing (permalinks not working for me, but scroll down, to the entry with the virtual model). this is something you can do at lanebryant.com. i’ll quote JeanNINE, since the words fit me perfectly “But this leads me to a pretty cool thought. I think that “she” is really pretty and not at all fat. – So…what’s my constant hangup about the “real” me, then?”
and i’m looking at ‘me’ (click more to see), and thinking, hmm, not bad. which is the exact opposite of what i felt looking at all those pictures of me from the santa monica blogmeet. being this big is a recent thing for me, happened in the last year, to the tune of an amazing weight gain. it’s the sitting on the ass and the beer and the overeating. i know this. and i know that my continuing failure to do anything about this, well, anything except feel incredibly ugly and sorry for myself, means i should probably work on getting myself out of this self-pity trip. and i found, by playing dress-up with my virtual model, that some shopping is in order, and i need to get over the ‘big baggy bulky disguise’ thing.
maybe if i can get to where i’m living with how i look now, i can work on changing things. if i could go from fat, depressed, and badly dressed to just … fat, well, that would be a good start.