so i’ve playfully participated in the cooties meme, and in my last post, suggested i ride on the coattails of the gigglechick meme. and suddenly i am struck with a sense of unease about the whole thing, because playful as it is, there was at least one hurtful commenter that showed up at cooties (couldn’t follow all the comments, too many), to say ‘well you should have content’ (which, as a matter of fact, he has, so there). but i have to wonder about my preoccupation with my hitcounter and with popularity in general.
i could tell you sad, sad stories of how socially outcast i was in high school, and junior high for that matter, hell, all the way back to kindergarten at horace mann elementary in oakland, i was … not popular. are your heartstrings being tugged, or is that just a very teensy violin i hear, playing in tune with my whining?
in any case, i’m ambivalent. i’m alternately surprised as hell at what popularity i do have in an aw shucks lil’ ole me way, and … greedy, wanting more. this web presence blog thingy i’m doing here and elsewhere is maybe the most successful thing i’ve ever done, measured by what few benchmarks i have — yes, i look at other people’s hitcounters where available. i check the blogrolling top links (and have sunk in those rankings recently, which is perfectly understandable, i don’t know how i got up that high in the first place).
this is an obsession, or at least almost that.
it’s why i’m so quick to participate in the ‘me memes’ and promote the folks who seem to crave the attention as much or more than i do. i do it gleefully and with a sense of fun, but i totally understand the motivation — without the hitcounters and the interactivity, the comments and the emails and the mutual linkage, blogging would be a very masturbatory exercise. it still is, it’s just … more fun when someone else is there.
i’ll probably delete this in the morning.
i’m way less than happy with how i expressed this but i’m leaving it up at least until morning. at which time i will most likely kill it.
i just wanted to (even briefly) get this obsession thing off my chest.
Ah, I’d like to say I throw out my links to news stories in an altruistic attempt to get people to read things they wouldn’t ordinarily see, but sure, there’s a bit of “hey, look at me! I found something I think is important, and you should think so too!” in it. I’m always a bit surprised when I put something up that outrages the hell out of me, and no-one comments at all. That’s probably when despair kicks in.
That also is not expressed very well; if you wanna delete the whole thing, feel free to get rid of the comment, too.
no, that totally makes sense. i mean, you’re an information professional, and having pride in finding things is part of being happy with what you do.
kd, since we discussed this a bit last night, you know how I feel about this. Why not go for the hits? you have content. You have heart. Even if you weren’t such a unifying force in the blogosphere I’d still come read you.
Popularity aside, sometimes it’s just FUN to watch that hit counter roll. Can I play the meme game, too???
but of course! it is a fun game.
and well, at this point in the commenting, i have to say that the post has fulfilled the requirement of having generated excellent discussion, and therefore will not be killed in the morning no matter how much it makes me squirm when i ‘out’ myself for this craving for attention, recognition, popularity, links, hits, etc.
i know people who say “oh hits don’t matter, i’m just in it for the pure blogging thing”. and they mean it. and i admire that. i just don’t have it.
and being that i blog, and that blogging is exhibitionistic in nature, this should stand. no matter how much i’ll tend to regret the thing in the morning.
Kd, I am also glad that you haven’t deleted this entry.
Ther is such a fine line in blogging, as much as we sometimes wish to deny it is always more enjoyable to know that someone out there is reading what you have written. That you have managed to touch someone, make thme laugh with their antics or occasionally if you are in an impish mood frustrate them enough as to cause them to think about something or perhaps see a point in a diferent light.
Ah, kd… You’re doing fine by me.
…but you knew that <g>.
First… I’m also a kd (in fact, that’s what my dad calls me)
Don’t delete this! It’s great. I’ve never been in the position you state. In fact, I was at the other end of it, which has it’s own pitfalls. However, I am relatively new to this whole blogging thing, hitcounters and the like… but I have noticed that I tend to try and write things that other would be more receptive to reading… except the last week or so. for instance… my blog this morning has a romantic quiz, how I spent yesterday and basically… the square footage of ceramic tile in my home. BORING!!! But it’s my day… ya know!
First rule of writing, kd — save everything. If you break all the other rules, keep that one. It’s a rule for a reason.
So you like having traffic! Great! So what? Does this somehow make your blog illegitimate? No. How could it? Traffic will happen whether or not you whore for it, my dear. And do you know why?
Because you do have content. You have loads of content. Since when is content defined by long rambling passages? There’s no “right” way to blog. Blogging is, by nature, a personal experience… and if other people are around to witness it, so much the better.
I like these brutally honest, naked kind of posts, kd. Really, I do. My site is mostly a journal. I’m just using a blog setup. So, I tend not to get squirmy about what I post.
I post it all.
Okay, I’m lying. There are some things that I don’t post. Sadly, the reason isn’t un-related to becoming “unpopular”. I try to balance the things I want/need to express with items I think others would be interested in. Sometimes, it works.
I don’t care if it is temporary………..I’m famouse………..I’m popular………..people like me…………Muwhahahah………..MUWHAHAHAHA………….MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay, hey I had to do that, after all my dad WAS Dr. Evil!!!!!!!! hehehe My hit counter is my friend…………however, BlogHop ratings I am not so sure about when a couple people rate me “I HATE IT”
glad you didn’t delete.
Like you kd, I’m sorta ambivalent. Don’t care much for memes at all but I don’t go out of my way to criticise those who seek the attention (I am, afterall, a recovered hitwhore). And I agree with you about the allure of having an audience but I think at the heart of good blogging is the realization that it’s gotta be for yourself first, for others last.
well, i like the ‘for myself’ concept, and while i certainly do this for me, i do it like any other thing i do in public — kind of the same reason i’m sitting here dyeing my hair, planning what to wear and even considering wearing makeup, because i’m going out to brunch. sure, i do the hair for me, but left to my own devices i never wear makeup or get dressed beyond a frumpy long skirt and a ratty old t-shirt. the public me is different from the sitting around the house me.
i know that’s not a perfect analogy, but to me making efforts at appearances is something i do as much for me as i do it to influence the way the rest of the world sees me.
same with blogging.
Nothing wrong with the way you feel. Nothing wrong with wanting to be liked and respected by others. Nothing wrong with respecting others enough to want to look nice when you’re with them either. In other words, there’s nothing wrong with you, kd.
Those like myself, who really don’t care, feel this way because we are reclusive mental cases, and popularity scares us, or at the very least overwhelms us. I can’t handle it. Too much pressure to perform, and I’m not good under that kind of pressure.
And I’m glad you left this up, or I would have missed it.
“it’s just … more fun when someone else is there.”
sad- but true, especially since it’s really an outlet for “me” to vent. it’s just nice to know there are others out there willing to listen/read. it’s the whole:
“you like me. you really, really like me!” kind of feeling, no?
Hey, as long as you remember that sometimes the hits are low because sometimes folks can’t read everyone on their link list or things are busy or – yes, it’s all about me, isn’t it, I’ve not been contributing to the hits and I feel really – *sniffle*
But I have to admit I feel guilt if I don’t get through all my link list at least every coupla weeks. And it’s that same thing you were talking about – the flashback to popularity and high school stuff – I worry about people feeling badly if I don’t read them every day. Actually posting a comment is something I can’t seem to manage as often… As for hits on my on site – I’m totally weird about it. Most of the time I’m pleased when I don’t get hits because in the past when the counter has gone up on a daily basis it’s kinda weirded me out. “Eek, people are reading, I should attempt to be more interesting! Stress!” I mean, popularity assumes that people will start expecting things of you, right?
*anxiety*
Wow, I need a vacation badly, huh…
yes. exactly.
Well durn.
After the *sniffle* I had written
“end silly melodrama for comic effect”
or something like that, but I put it in the brackety things and so of course it’s code and goes away, huh. So much for comedy….
*rolls eyes*
I had turned the machine off, but I was reading Time magazine while waiting for the dog to come back in, and I found an interesting and appropriate (I think) statement in Joel Stein’s essay at the back of the 11/25 issue. He’s writing about interviewing a living philosopher of some renown (I guess–I’ve never heard of him, but what’s that mean) and he concludes with the following:
I think that’s about right.
what Monkey! said.
i find blogging cathartic. i’ve worked thru a bunch of stuff i’ve had sitting on the back burner for a loooong time.
but i have to admit, i do like that other people read what i have to say. i started to say “i’d blog whether i had readers or not” but i’m not sure that’s true.
kd – you are the queen of content. never, ever worry about that.