in which i attempt to help the parental units loosen up a bit

so last night, my parents called on or about the second hour of post-nap beer drinking. this was right after the long, sometimes funny, sometimes crying in the bathroom, soul-baring airing of issues that had taken up the previous two hours, i was alone while the rest of the bunch was on a mission to pick up edie, who had to go to work during the evening’s festivities — and i was in a rather philosophical mood.

talk turns to the cousins, cousin jody to be exact. jody’s girlfriend’s mom has cancer. we commiserate on the tragedy, and then i am moved to say, somewhat pointedly, “so we are finally admitting we know jody is gay”? (i know that when my parents use the word girlfriend, it is synonymous with ‘pal’ or ‘buddy’) “well, we don’t talk about it”. um. we don’t? jody has been in a loving relationship with a wonderful woman for, oh, a good decade or so. they’ve bought a house together. but we don’t acknowledge the wonder that is a great relationship? could we not say ‘parnter’, and speak of it joyfully?

so i attempted to bring a little perspective into the lives of chronically repressed lapsed presbyterians (right up there on the boring scale with geolicism, the worship of rocks). i do love my parents very much. i wish i lived closer so we could hang out and i could perhaps try to bring them gently but firmly into this century, if only because it makes for a much happier life if you can appreciate all the differences, instead of “not talking about it”.

* * *
it’s raining lightly, and thundering wonderfully. it’s a lovely evening and there’s still a weekend coming! life is good.

8 thoughts on “in which i attempt to help the parental units loosen up a bit

  1. I’ll tell you what my mother told me when I was datingsleeping with a MUCH younger man during my divorce. ( I was 32 and he was 20. HEY… it was fun to break him in. Some woman is thanking me right now…lol) She said, “Kristi… who cares how much the age difference is? In this world, where there is so much hate, why not grab hold of ANY relationship in which two people can find acceptance, companionship and love?” I had to admit, it was shocking coming from my parents, but I needed to clarify… “Mom… ummm, I care about the age difference. This isn’t love… it’s STRESS relief!!” (She just about choked on the clean air and had to light a smoke!)

    Seriously. She was right. (I married a man I adore. AND I get the stress relief!!) He’s still two years younger than me, though. lol

    K

  2. “In this world, where there is so much hate, why not grab hold of ANY relationship in which two people can find acceptance, companionship and love?”

    amen to that Kristi. you have a very wise mom.

  3. Moms are great. Usually, we think they’re terribly conservative and then they bust out with something like that. kd, good luck with yours.

  4. How do you know my grandmother and my great aunt and uncle???? LOL When Ellen Degeneress was on TV my great uncle said “I ain’t gonna watch that damn lisbon” (yes that’s how he pronounced it) LOL However, there is a friend of the family that is thier age that has lived with another man for ever I think and they don’t realize that they are a gay couple. hehehe See why MY closet door is firmly shut!!!

  5. i could perhaps try to bring them gently but firmly into this century, if only because it makes for a much happier life if you can appreciate all the differences, instead of “not talking about it”.

    it’s good to hear that you want to try and help them realize this and not just blow them off completely as a lost cause. i’m amazed at the conversations my mom and i have about “differences”. she gives me the older-generation point of view and then i get the chance to explain the younger and we usually meet happily in between!

  6. Psst – just so you know, presbyterian church usa voted to accept gay clergy a year or two ago. I think they’re still on the fence over acknowledging gay marriage, but it’s being discussed. Hey, it’s better than a lot of denominations in acceptance anyhow. At least they’re talking about it. So look at that as being a hopeful sign.

    And good for you for at least talking to them about it. It’s the silence that makes things awkward for everyone. And if you can’t be blunt with your family who can you be blunt with? Of course it’s that kinda thinking that’s always getting me into trouble…

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