mondays won’t be sucking like this much longer

i’m unusually psychotic this monday. on the one hand, i am a little bit resentful and things like “i need your time cards from last month” inspire in me a snarling response like, yeah i bet you do fuckers. you might be discontinuing my department but you sure don’t want to be late collecting the money. on the other hand, i have other resentments, and thoughts of revenge bouncing happily through my mind. and this is a long story.

when i started working here, i was a part-time intern, through this program at the college. i got paid minimum wage for half the hours i worked, went to school, and lived at the salvation army transitional living center with my son, following a rather traumatic splitting-up with chris. tmi, probably. this was more than three years ago. what i want to convey with all this information is one word: vulnerable.

enter the boss i bitch about most: the retired part-owner of the company, the one i share an office with. i’m not going to call it sexual harassment. emotional harassment, maybe. when i started, i was broke with no car and he would give me rides places and slip me money and … he would tell me he was in love with me. he wrote me poems. oh, and that email. i wish i still had that email. my god. there were pretty strict requirements in the work-study program, but my advisors totally okayed quitting my job when i showed them that email. but i stayed. i guess it gave me a perverse sense of job security.

we are talking about a married guy old enough to be my father, who was also my boss. of course, if over the years you are steadfast in discouraging this sort of thing, it goes away, after a fashion. never completely, of course, it lingered in the way he would react if i called in sick (crushed) (i finally learned to just email in sick, due to the creepiness factor) or how he would simply beam when i walked in the door. it’s a thousand tiny subtle things that added up to an overall impression of, this guy likes me way, way too much. it would be one thing if i was all nicey-nicey back to him, but no. i was a bitch to him. and he still gave me the repressed puppy dog greeting — he’d remain seated, but you could tell he was jumping and slobbering all over me in his mind.

and over the years this made me more and more resentful. i looked at it this way: what if the situation was reversed. what if i was older and well-off and in a position of power over some intern my daughter’s age, and i behaved this way towards him or her? the answer is, i wouldn’t. no matter how smart and attractive and talented i perceived them to be. it’s just not right.

so … revenge. this is what it occurs to me to do, over the next few weeks, is be relentlessly gleeful about the whole leaving situation. after years spent knowing everything lights up when i walk in a room and goes dark when i leave, or he can just *feel* me when i come in the building, or any of the myriad other creepy things i’ve dealt with, it would be oh, so satisfying to babble chirpily about how much it rocks to be leaving going out on my own and how cool it’s going to be not to have to come to work every day, and watch him suffer.

but i probably won’t do that. well, not much at least.

9 thoughts on “mondays won’t be sucking like this much longer

  1. I have way too much to say about the blatant horrific harrassment, but that really says it so I’ll stop. You could, if nothing else, hide some rotten food bombs around the place before going, you know, mayonnaise jar with raw chicken parts and banana, that sort of thing?

    Now then: congratulations on your layoff!!!
    Did I hear someone say r o a d t r i p?

  2. Just do what I do……..turn around and kick him in the nose, then the ear, then the other ear, and when he is bleeding all over the place, calmly walk down the hall. hehehe, oh well maybe it isn’t such a good idea to do what I did. sorry, just an idea!

  3. you know, i feel bad even whining about it all, because it’s so much better now than it was at first. and all in all working here, for all its drawbacks, had the advantage of ‘they put up with me’, which is more than i can say about a lot of employers in the past.

    was it more good than bad working here? definitely. i think. no, it was. will i miss it? yeah, i will.

    but not on mondays.

  4. oh no, nothing like that. i’ve always been very careful not to do anything that would ever be construed as ‘asking for it’. though i know asking for it is a bad way of putting it, i just — i have always been very careful not to contribute to any inappropriateness.

    and it’s never been sexual, although the undercurrents were there. it was chiefly emotional.

    no bridge-burning. no crushing. a little happy babbling, that’s it. and not even that much of that.

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