personal stories

i have spent the last couple of hours following links in blogs and reading and learning. i have seen a lot of numbers, but numbers can be so numbing. they can distract from the fact, this is personal. i have been moved to tears and back again, by the strength of the voices in these personal stories:

e j speaks of hope: “This is quite possibly the most challenging blog I’ve written in quite some time – not because of content, but because of having to sort through the things I’ve seen, the things I’ve done, and the things that I have experienced. Sorting through all of this, of course, was like trying to sort through grains of sand in the Sahara Desert. Once you add the fact that this is an emotional period for me around holidays, you can understand while this was something that I had to drive around and think about. While things have gotten easier and progressed considerably since my first experience with AIDS, hope still plays a major force in my life.”

Donald speaks of the gift of ‘right now’: “Testing positive was definitely the most traumatic event in my life, but it wasn’t the only one by a long shot. That might be why I dealt with it the same way I’ve always dealt with trauma; I just went into a corner and curled up waiting to be buried. Not really wanting to die, but REALLY not wanting to be in this world. Just feeling numb.

But since I didn’t die, time has just kept moving on. I’m still here and still fine and still have dreams that I want to fulfill. I still have days where time slips by, but I can deal with it if I just focus on doing something, anything that will get me closer to a goal. Sometimes these steps are big, but most of the time they are small – but planning them is a potent weapon against my worst enemy: procrastination.”

powerful words. silence doesn’t stand a chance against these voices.

* * *
more stories:

Jhames remembers Harry
Chris remembers four friends
Jilly remembers William, and many others
Jessica remembers Davey

4 thoughts on “personal stories

  1. Aw shuck, Karen, thank you honey. I’ve been where most people are, either people who are seronegative who ponder “Well, if I was positive, I wouldn’t tell ANYBODY!” or seropositive people who actually live those words. It’s a very real choice – I understand it – but I also understand how I want to live my life. I want to live it free and I want to celebrate everything in it. That naked honesty is something I crave and something I strive for in my life; I want it to be fragrant and ubiquitous. It is difficult, but I think it’s worth the effort and the risk.

    I’m just living good – I love my life! It’s a good life!

    Thanks again for visiting my little blog! Now, YOUR blog – WOW! I’ll be up in here studying this thing A LOT! Take care of yourself, honey, and happy holidays …

  2. I had a few AIDS patients when I was a medical assistant. Not just HIV positive patients….no. AIDS. By the time they came to us and were diagnosed, they were into full-blown clinical AIDS. The one was relatively young and his long-time girlfriend came in to be tested. He was the only man she’d ever been with. Fortunately, she tested negative, but, it changed the dynamic of their relationship and I watched him slide into a deep depression over it. He was one of the few who rallied back to better health after his diagnosis. But, emotionally, he was devastated. I wish I knew what happened with them.

  3. I wouldn’t wish AIDS on my worst enemy…
    This is the second year in a row I didn’t share the stories. Maybe next year… maybe I’ll never be ready to talk about it. But I’ll still read every heartbreaking story.

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