mental weather

Humidity: 18%
Visibility: Unlimited
Pressure: 29.93 inches and steady
Wind: From the East at 21 gusting to 31 mph
* * *
the santa anas are blowing seventy four degrees rattling my door, nearly 11 at night. i’m hormonal, and i’ve been drinking. you’ve no idea how relieved i was when i checked and discovered that, yes, there is a reason i’ve been behaving this way. behaving you ask? why yes. i spent the last, oh, six, eight hours, mostly surfing, reading political stuff, subversive and conservative alike. searching for … something. at least three hours spent at this 9-11 document archive figuring this is where it all went this insane, this is the seminal event that turned this country all around. changed the political climate forever. so i read the individual stories, and looked at … i am not making this up, approximately one thousand three hundred pictures. on dialup. page after page, clicking, clicking.

fucking santa anas make me crazy. depressed obsessed and entirely unanswered. nothing makes any sense any more. so i walked outside in the wind and looked at the sky, orion my winter companion still with me, wishing i could will the streetlight to wink out and let me really see, even thinking briefly that if i were a pelletgun person, i’d make the damn thing go away myself, only for a moment before i realized that that’s a really, really insane thing to think, even very briefly, and i blame the wind. estrogen and beer don’t help, but it’s not just my chemistry, it’s the fucking weather.

i left the door open when i came back inside to finish this up, the wind is now tickling the soles of my feet. my poor kitty, his winter coat meant for different weather, is sprawled on the table next to the computer, dreaming overly furry kitty dreams. my son came into the room with the standad mommy i’m scared, i sternly ordered him to shut off the light and lay down on the couch.

i’m tired but not sleepy. i’m lonely but not alone.

i don’t know where any of this is going.

13 thoughts on “mental weather

  1. I think Mercury is in retrograde too….not that I know what that means…..but the last time somebody told me that…..I was feeling like you’re feeling now!
    And this too will pass….really!

  2. It’s strange here too. No snow, 30 degrees. We should be buried under the white stuff and freezing, but I don’t mind. Global warming is messing everything up, but of course G.W. Bush doesn’t see it that way.

  3. No Santa Anas here, but I too spent a lot of time yesterday reading political things, blog and non-blog. Hours. I got steadily more cranky, mostly because of the hate and war-mongering types. We have a new cult of mean in this country, since 9/11. I’m glad I never smell it here, kd. Thanks.

  4. You b!tch… the heating is broken in the agency and it’s something like 2 degrees in here… I need to burn invoices just to stay warm and then I read this.

    You Wil Wheaton lover you!

  5. Thats it!!! I can blame the Santa Ana’s on my wierd mood! Oh wait, do we have them in STL? No…………oh well, back to just feeling depressed then.

  6. I’m with ya, babe. damned wind woke me up all night – I kept thinking the scrubby whatever tree in my backyard was going to come through the roof. it’s been an odd 24 hours.

  7. i thought about you in the middle of the night, while i lay awake listening to the santa anas and hating every moment of the insomnia i was experiencing. i remember the great post you made in november explaining the link to santa ana winds and ‘our mood’. let’s hope they don’t stick around for long.

    my older one was/is afraid of the wind, too.

  8. Wow, they’re so bad, your MT stopped recognizing me.

    Santa Anas are totally documented as having that effect on people. Make you crazy, angsty, angry, make a lot of folks violent.

    We don’t get them, up here. Except that today we do.
    Well. Not Santa Anas, just tornado-force winds, seeming to come from the North but they’re really HOT. It’s going to be 66�F today. Yesterday it was closer to 50�F. It’s scary. Batten down the olde hatches.

  9. Having only been to Cali once, I have no experience with the Santa Anas. But here in NY (LI actually), I live a block from the beach, so we have a gusty wind from the Atlantic almost all the time. It’s cold, blustery to the point of giving you perpetual earaches, and depressing as hell in the winter. But it’s also the reason we don’t get as much snow as the rest of the area.

    Of course, the stuff you’ve been reading is not exactly good-mood enhancing either. I swear, January is the most depressing month of the year.

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