ok, no, i am. and i feel this need to confess even though i’m sure it’s more than apparent to anyone who still comes here now that i post every few days and hide like a hermit the rest of the time, claiming variously that having two jobs is … you know, like a lot of stuff to do and it has completely eaten up my life.
it has partially eaten up some of my time. the rest of it? yeah, yeah, filesharing. i’m like a cyber-crack fiend holed up in a motel room peeking out the windows, i jump when emails come in because i think it’s about something i should have been doing instead of clicking “find more sources to download” and racking my brains for those long lost songs among other things i suddenly seem to feel i need more than say, sleep.
something in the dimmest recesses of my sane consciousness, a part of me was a little concerned, as two nights ago i found myself with only a couple gigs of my hard drive left. first i tried to clean house, tossing out frivolous stuff like visual studio, adobe illustrator, things like that – seemed cool at the time but i never used them, so off they went! squeaked back up to almost 5 free, but then i converted some video files to share and … it was what i thought of next that set off these little faint tiny quiet ‘might be really crazy’ alarms, which of course — who cares?
what i thought of next was that i have a linux box i hardly use anymore, which had sound problems even in its windows days, it’s a motherboard thing. and with few reservations and no remorse i began to plan to kill it and harvest its organs. when i came home tonight, i did the deed. and it was good, aside from the part where i was bleeding and repeating “i hate fucking computers” over and over as i wrestled with the allegedly user-friendly guts of the Enlight case, and furthermore remembered that i forgot how exactly to do the drive letter thing and i had it all messed up with my mapped network drives and … i did prevail, oh my yes i did. and all this following stopping at Office Depot on the way home for cds and labels and jewel case inserts (i love office depot so much. so much. oh god. oh.) i mean, i was there considering my CD multi-pack options and this friendly helpful young man came to see if i needed help and i blurted out that i had suddenly gone off the waaaaay deep end on kazaa (i referred to it as ‘my little kazaa problem’ and he replied, surprised, ‘problem???’) so i’m standing there in an aisle full of storage solutions talking filesharing and … it was almost too much for me. i nearly swooned. which is a nice old fashioned way of saying, damn, i was wet.
so anyway while i was in the late linux box, and that damned convenient case was refusing to go back together, i got pissed and said oh yeah well i’m taking your memory. and … well, i’d say that’s about it for the linux box, sure i’ll do something linuxy some other time, you know, but at this point no matter how evil, this win2k pro machine is runnin’ sweet with that extra memory and i’m pondering the wide openness of the spaces on that shiny newly formatted western digital, and i’m bouncing in my chair as i type this.
as addictions go, it’s my favorite so far.
i do intend to be less hermitlike and so forth, stop jumping when the mail bell dings, start catching up on reading. i do feel much calmer now, probably much like a junkie feels after scoring a fat bag of the kind shit and knowing they would be happily buzzing for as long as matters, at least for now.
so i contemplate that stack of cds, my labeling paraphernalia, and my plans for the evening. my first actual labels! bliss. actual bliss.
as i was posting this, i was of course downloading the appropriate soundtrack.