i’m not an addict

ok, no, i am. and i feel this need to confess even though i’m sure it’s more than apparent to anyone who still comes here now that i post every few days and hide like a hermit the rest of the time, claiming variously that having two jobs is … you know, like a lot of stuff to do and it has completely eaten up my life.

it has partially eaten up some of my time. the rest of it? yeah, yeah, filesharing. i’m like a cyber-crack fiend holed up in a motel room peeking out the windows, i jump when emails come in because i think it’s about something i should have been doing instead of clicking “find more sources to download” and racking my brains for those long lost songs among other things i suddenly seem to feel i need more than say, sleep.

something in the dimmest recesses of my sane consciousness, a part of me was a little concerned, as two nights ago i found myself with only a couple gigs of my hard drive left. first i tried to clean house, tossing out frivolous stuff like visual studio, adobe illustrator, things like that – seemed cool at the time but i never used them, so off they went! squeaked back up to almost 5 free, but then i converted some video files to share and … it was what i thought of next that set off these little faint tiny quiet ‘might be really crazy’ alarms, which of course — who cares?

what i thought of next was that i have a linux box i hardly use anymore, which had sound problems even in its windows days, it’s a motherboard thing. and with few reservations and no remorse i began to plan to kill it and harvest its organs. when i came home tonight, i did the deed. and it was good, aside from the part where i was bleeding and repeating “i hate fucking computers” over and over as i wrestled with the allegedly user-friendly guts of the Enlight case, and furthermore remembered that i forgot how exactly to do the drive letter thing and i had it all messed up with my mapped network drives and … i did prevail, oh my yes i did. and all this following stopping at Office Depot on the way home for cds and labels and jewel case inserts (i love office depot so much. so much. oh god. oh.) i mean, i was there considering my CD multi-pack options and this friendly helpful young man came to see if i needed help and i blurted out that i had suddenly gone off the waaaaay deep end on kazaa (i referred to it as ‘my little kazaa problem’ and he replied, surprised, ‘problem???’) so i’m standing there in an aisle full of storage solutions talking filesharing and … it was almost too much for me. i nearly swooned. which is a nice old fashioned way of saying, damn, i was wet.

so anyway while i was in the late linux box, and that damned convenient case was refusing to go back together, i got pissed and said oh yeah well i’m taking your memory. and … well, i’d say that’s about it for the linux box, sure i’ll do something linuxy some other time, you know, but at this point no matter how evil, this win2k pro machine is runnin’ sweet with that extra memory and i’m pondering the wide openness of the spaces on that shiny newly formatted western digital, and i’m bouncing in my chair as i type this.

as addictions go, it’s my favorite so far.

i do intend to be less hermitlike and so forth, stop jumping when the mail bell dings, start catching up on reading. i do feel much calmer now, probably much like a junkie feels after scoring a fat bag of the kind shit and knowing they would be happily buzzing for as long as matters, at least for now.

so i contemplate that stack of cds, my labeling paraphernalia, and my plans for the evening. my first actual labels! bliss. actual bliss.

as i was posting this, i was of course downloading the appropriate soundtrack.

18 thoughts on “i’m not an addict

  1. yes, yes it does. however in this case it’s a good thing, because that is an un-pass-uppable deal, one of those how could i not do that? my computer’s performance is important to me. oh, so very important.

    also, i loves me some bargains!

  2. You better hope you’re not the person that the powers that be choose to make an example of by way of the U.S. legal system. They are going after individuals now because they can’t shut down decentralized file sharing networks.

    If you start getting messages from your ISP mentioning that they are under pressure to give up their user records, well, Mexico has pretty good weather…

  3. You’re not the only one who loves Office Depot. I can spend hours in those types of stores.

    Hey, speaking of all of this, do you want to fly out to the east coast and fix my computer? Because it’s been acting all funky and I want to upgrade it and I’m at the point where I’m just like “screw it, I’ll buy a new computer.” But I know that it can be fixed and upgraded and whatnot, and I’m trying to to be a wasteful person.

    So you know, if there aren’t enough computers to fix in your area, I just wanted to let you know that there’s one in the northeast for ya. Just so you know 😉

  4. Stacey, please tell me that you are joking about that, please! ‘Cause if it is true, that just borders on the ludicrous!

    I remember those days of mass downloads…. mmmm.. yum! *slaps forehead* What I am thinking, must get back on kazaa, must find more!

    KD, don’t think of it as an addiction, think of it as a really intense hobby ;o)

    [I am not sure if this is going to double comment again, if it does.. sorry]

  5. Stacey, please tell me that you are joking about that, please! ‘Cause if it is true, that just borders on the ludicrous!

    I remember those days of mass downloads…. mmmm.. yum! *slaps forehead* What I am thinking, must get back on kazaa, must find more!

    KD, don’t think of it as an addiction, think of it as a really intense hobby ;o)

    [I am not sure if this is going to double comment again, if it does.. sorry]

  6. Hmmm. Last heard from kd about 1:30 am. Is it wrong to mention that the other thing that can happen to an addict is that she could overdose? What if kd overdosed on kazaa? How could we help?

  7. Well, Jilly, you could pick me up on the way down to Ventura; and while you are forcing coffee and vitamin C on her, I could be checking her download stats and making sure she’s keeping her rating up.

    No, wait…

  8. don’t worry, guys, i got to bed at a perfectly reasonable hour (well, four) and got about six hours of perfectly reasonable sleep, even though i have two … large files that are perfectly legal … still in process, which if i’d been there harassing them they might have been done by now but no, i did sleep.

    i’m fine, see?

    i had strange dreams about killing people, but hey, the fact i offed my linux box last night isn’t affecting me at all. at all!

  9. that would be just ghoulish — besides, it’s (almost) all put back together now. if it were a funeral we’d all be drinking and saying “he looks so natural.”

  10. i could swear i wrote something here last night about virgin megastore being the appropriate methadone for kazaa. i mean, what better way to lose your interest in music than by spending $20 for something you don’t know if you’ll like or not and/or that some corporate payola weasel at sony et al wants you to listen to so he/she can afford the lease on their third bentley?

    thank god for kazaa and those others that actually work on a mac like maybe limewire or just plain ol itunes and streamripperX.

    and then, as i went to ‘submit’ the dejavu happened all over again as safari crashed again but only when i went to hooha.us to post a comment. so i had to type this all over again from memory (whew; yes now i’m tired and must resuscitate with cold pizza or maybe beer) and pull up IE Mac (ew!) and post it again.


  11. how many gigs do you have? how many filled? How many files? Anyone out there with alternatives to limewire for mac? Limewire and itunes are hatin’ like moms and they won’t cooperatte. (what if you pronounced the end of that like “latte”?)

  12. i … sorry. i meant to get to that a little earlier, it’s not the downloading so much as the various experiments i have going with video encoding that cause the computer to run like molasses. also i have no idea what i’m doing, but i’m sure using up a lot of hard drive space doing it!

    and working from 9 to 8, and taking 2.5 hours to get 16 miles, you know, ….


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