which seems to be the extent of my abilities at the moment. which is fine. uh, sort of.
so i had to buy pants. the first work-related pair i bought shrunk — lengthwise. which was not fine. even wearing them low, which they’re sort of cut like that, they are too short now. ok well that is sort of fine, since they weren’t the greatest pants by any means. so i needed pants. oh, how i hate shopping for pants.
’twas ok though. went to the department i have to look for pants in, you know the department i’m talking about, the big department, and for the most part i have to say damn what are the pantsmakers thinking? i mean i saw size 18s that were cut, like brittney low. they were christina low, man, they were low. and excuse me but the sheer fact of size 18 means you are not built to wear pants that don’t clear the hipbone. trust me on this.
anyway i’m in the big pants department and i spy cute pants on the re-hanging-up rack, which are waaay too big, so i ask the salesgirl if there are other sizes and she looks at me and says oh, no, this is the women’s sizes. bless her heart, she thought i was in the wrong department. so i patted her guide dog on the head (no not really) and explained i was in the right place, and lo and behold they did have them in my size, only thing was that they completely failed to disguise any aspect of my ass whatsoever. i mean there it was, you know, out there. so there were other cute pants, my size in theory but my god. not only painfully small (i know, i tried them on twice, just to make sure), but there was a major toe problem. you know. sigh.
and there were adorable pants that were jeans but overdyed and embroidered up the side and … i might go back for them if i can convince myself that they are unjeansy enough for work wear. i am having some difficulty with the fact that i hate most if not all non-jeans pants. just hate them. the pants i settled on were, ok, technically denim, but in a tweedy pattern and not cut exactly like jeans, i will never admit they are jeans, not even under threat of death by slow torture.
but you know what? i’ve lost weight. not a lot, not so’s you’d notice (well, except for the little salesgirl, bless her heart). but yeah, the jeans that used to hurt like hell now fit fresh out of the dryer. maybe even a little baggy. oddly enough, as exhilirating as this would be, i still can’t get into the pants i used to wear back last january, when i went to that first bloggermeeting in santa monica and was appalled to see in pictures how big i was. i’m still bigger than that, and yet i feel … well, i actually feel ok. perspective i guess.
i’m more boring than usual lately, but i assure you brain death was painless, and i’m … um. woo? yeah. i have pants.