… but i’m much better now.

if you are a sensitive caring feeling human being, you do not want to read this. i have a somewhat … um, different outlook on certain things, death being one of them. i have my reasons, i do. and also this is a late late last night rant and it’s not representative of the way i see things all the time, or even most of the time. and god i hate it when i need a disclaimer, i’d rather not be deviant about things, but here i am.

however if you choose to read this and it bothers you, don’t go whining about it, alright? suck it up and move on. you were warned.


everyone wants to talk about it, and i don’t. and it’s not that i don’t care, unless caring requires some emotional response, can’t caring be concern? i have concern, certainly, and opinions aplenty, however they aren’t important.

i am aware, though distantly, that people are dying. people die. death is always so upsetting to the ones who haven’t died yet, who wail and pule and unless the deceased was absolutely ancient, they’ll go on and on about the tragic unfairness of it all, which leaves me to wonder have these people paid attention … ever? how did they miss the part about how you just never know?

and exactly how is it that the one absolutely unavoidable fact of life is death, and yet humans as a rule have failed to adjust to this? where there is life there will be death, no way around it, and chances are it isn’t going to be peaceful old age that gets us. it will be cancer, or heart disease, or a speeding bus, or … another human. for creatures that have such a hard time coping with the fact we die, we do one helluva lotta killing each other.

face it, it’s basic human nature. in fact one of the most frequent reasons we have for killing others is the fear that the other will kill us at some point – and unless the other is actively engaged in an attack on us, we are killing not for our own safety but to sustain the illusion of feeling safe. and in doing this we demonstrate an innate skill for dealing with the facts of death, except the irony whereby we mourn our own losses, which were sustained while inflicting other losses. the ability to place such a high value on these lives over here while placing none at all on those over there is rather sociopathic, isn’t it?

it’s ridiculous, is what it is. look – you’re going to die. i’m going to die. it’s ok. losing loved ones is part of loving them. said it before saying it again, there are only four endings – you will leave, or be left, or be dead, or bereft. that’s it folks. and yeah yeah heaven and so on, fine fine but explain to me then why it is that folks will pray their asses off to stave off death? please don’t take me to paradise today, i want to stay here and suffer some more – oh yeah that makes sense. and i will not even touch the whole holy war thing.

so back to this: people are dying. people are being ordered by other people to go and risk their lives in order to end the lives of others for approximately the 156,732nd time in human history. i care, sure i care. but i won’t be huddled over the 24 hour live upclose coverage and either pining and whining or gloating and and cheering with the rest of the … spectators. it’s the world’s most ‘extreme’ sport, is what it is.

and while we’re at it what’s up with my attitude? some virulent, mutant pms action happening @feckless, huh?

you just never fucking know.

10 thoughts on “… but i’m much better now.

  1. Because the universe is deeply twisted. You know this. Sometimes we enjoy the twists and sometimes they make us puke, and sometimes they are just kind of inconvienient.

  2. and sometimes you think you’re downloading jackass and you wind up with fight club. the universe moves in mysterious ways.

    my head hurts.

  3. oh yeah. and i do believe i needed to see that movie today – didn’t finish it, the headache kind of made me wander off, but hey – i’m finally seeing fight club! it’s about time.

  4. death is a part of life. Violence is unacceptable in any form, weather it is to “liberate” another, or to protest the government.

    Violent Peace protests are as ridiculous as bombing for peace or as one of my favorite signs says “fucking for virginity”

  5. and how is it that when i post something i might want to take back, five minutes later at least two people have been here?

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