and home is of course brooding over my absence. however here things need doing and finding and arranging into logic. here the spaces are thick with energy, not at all unlike the humming compressor of the displaced refrigeration unit amidst the clutter, which is anything but random. here illumination falls in deliberate ways without revealing any reason. here a tiring and difficult day hangs heavy in the air not at all unlike the smoke wafting from my ashtray, dammit. i could expend all my healing energy flinging it into the shadows and know it is not my place to do so, and then do it, defiant, on my slow unsteady way down, out, and on home.