dot

shh.

it wasn’t the want it might seem to be, although want was certainly involved. wanting does not make the necessary less so, but it does leave motives open to doubt.

� � � we interrupt this nonsense with breaking news: there has been a dead bee-napping. my mascot dammit. gone. or worse, not gone, just being held in an undisclosed location pending freaking me out when i least expect it. um. okay then. � � �

anyway. for a few of the wee hours last night i was engaging in some serious self-flagellation in the form of a PHP class of search functions, same little bastard that beat me down a few weeks back, working me over again. & i was losing – i was no closer to the answer than when i started, & i went to bed a defeated woman.

at seven-thirty (am!), the phone interrupted some twisty dreamy logic process, & i woke up knowing; not the why of it but very definitely the what. & i got up at that hour, yes. i got up, & i finished in about an hour, something that i’d been struggling with off & on for a month.

i cannot describe in any conscious context the knowledge i gained, it’s glyphs & images, nuances, a comprehension of direction, perhaps a sense of the shape of the reasons for the answer. i have some crossed wires in me, you know. i can feel the errant synaptic activity physically, energy dodging down the wrong way at the last minute & the understanding remaining just out of reach … sometimes clarity never comes.

but it works. the lyric search. it works.

14 thoughts on “to sleep, perchance to code


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