up all night downloading extensions from macromedia & rasterbating in fireworks, trying to come up with something not-ugly that would pass for ugly when presented to ugly-liking paying clients. then the cows came home. well, the coffee started, same thing. fell asleep. woke up. fell asleep. woke up. lather rinse repeat then it was i think ten? p.m. whoa.
none of the urgency i felt would get me up off the couch, even knowing i had a good supply of pharmassure energy formula & coffee you could stand a fork in, surely i could have pried myself awake, but i couldn’t care. enough. cared a little, yes i did, i did care. sure. i was wakeful enough to delete approximately ten thousand (no that is not an exaggeration in the slightest) emails i’ve been meaning to go through. did a little harddrive housecleaning, freed up a few gigs. installed a pretty purple taskbar to go with my fancy glassy purple icon set. rearranged the desktop. purple’s not my favorite color, but it’s working in this context. that’s about it though.
occurs to me how wonderful it might be if this or something frighteningly like this were my normal. if i could wake up afternoon/evening, relax around a little & get productive say elevenish, spend the night busy in the peaceful quiet never guilting about the impending morning, which would not be a time of expectations or fretfulness or any sort of urgency. that’s a run-on sentence young lady. whose voice was that? & who you callin’ young?
i’m a lot younger in the middle of the night.