ornery as hell, yeah

i spent a significant amount of time & anger this morning flaming spammers. capital letters were involved. felt as good as any totally pointless gesture ever does.

surprisingly, one of them even wrote back: Thank you for your encouraging words. You have been removed from any opportunities. May Life return to you 10 fold what you wish upon others. May God Bless you! David (incidentally, i wished boils upon him. big ones. in sensitive places.) which i feel is perfectly appropriate for the sort of spammer who uses “Re: [NAME] – Follow up to yesterday!” as a subject line in a rather transparent & pathetic attempt to trick the recipient into opening it. the more i think of it, david needs more than boils, i’d say the boy could really benefit from a serious bout of bleeding hemorrhoids brought on by an attack of highly acidic projectile diarrhea. i could go on, even get graphic, but i won’t.

the burgeoning curmudgeon in me is itching to rip through the latest batch of scumfuckers cluttering up that inbox, & see if i can provoke some more pompous windbaggery out of any of ’em. & yes i know i’m giving away self-righeous victim points with every ounce of invective that spews forth & in doing so make this even worse & if i were to let that spin a bit i’d be way gone in no time. as it stands, i have plans; one day i will be ready to give up my main mail account, which is at this point 90% spam (& never, ever opted into anything). & when that day comes, she’s gonna blow, oh you betcha.

becasuse i know that at least some of it will be read. yes. who cares if it’s pointles to the point of counterproductivity? what matters is that it feels just fantastic.

4 thoughts on “ornery as hell, yeah

  1. I don’t know which is worse, e-mail spam or the real food Spam.

    In Austin MN (where the Hormel company is) they have an annual Spamfest. You can get pizza made with Spam, tacos made with Spam, everything made with Spam. They have games where you win Spam, and they sell Spam merchandise. Some old geezer took a half-hearted swing at me when I started making fun of Spam down there, because his whole family worked making Spam. He said he was going to kick my smart-mouthed ass!

  2. Funny, I had a pulse of rage myself at my spam yesterday, but I’d say you’re doing fine if you’re all the way down to 90% (or you just have more friends than I do). I get about 300 emails/day now – 96% spam. The only way I can drive the percentage down is to go on an online spending spree and then not count the receipts as spam. Arrgghh …

    As for real Spam, I love the shit, even though I only have it once every ten years or so, and I agree, it is excellent hangover food – both in the preparation and the consumption.

  3. you know.. i just woke up and am having my coffee and I read “highly acidic projectile diarrhea” and I’m laughing like I did when a friend wrote about people got “sucked” out of a plane. I sware I think i’m still in grade school and no one told me.

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