if taking hostages & calling this list my demands would help, well, i’ll see if i can work that into my schedule. in the meantime, i’d like to call the universe’s attention to the potential benefits of cooperating in advance of any desperate measures on my part, not the least of which would be the cessation of all this whining. aha! i see this appeals to you, i knew you were a reasonable sort of universe.
and i am a reasonable girl. my needs are … simple things that i’ve managed to transform into wildly twisty complexities of monolithical proportions, some of which have actually developed a weak gravitational field, making them ideal venues for some of the more spectacular leaps of logic i like to take.
& this is not one of those – in fact i would asseverate that there is a solid basis in something somewhere which supports … ok, i’ll cut to the chase: what i want is to meet (ok, meet being a euphemism here, we know what i mean, yes?) the person i wrote this for. yes, there’s been some progress in this area, however there are times i think i was better off when i thought it all impossible. now it’s just highly fucking unlikely, which is an infinitely more conflicted scenario. i’m a mess these days, between the outbursts of uncautious optimism & the spasms of certain sniveling doom which can & do coexist within a single breath, they are in fact doing so right here & now, which of course is neither there nor anywhere, at least as far as relevance to whatever this is & therefore i will trail off appealingly & give you those oblique up-over-the glasses eyes & leave it at this, with just one small suggestion, nay, a request, & a gentle one at that: i would ask that the expression in question be considered on its own merit. which i believe is not insignificant. thank you.
*ahem* now, i am willing to be patient on this issue, however some hot nasty sweaty sex just for the fuck of it would make the wait a lot less stressful. i’m willing to be real flexible on this, age & gender are far less important than enthusiasm & stamina & the sooner the better … yes, i’m as shocked as you are to hear this, so i’ll add a dismissive gesture & this wide-eyed guileless smile so i could be kidding if we need me to be.
and you know, i guess that’s about it, really. seemed like such a huge batch of need, which it is, it really is, i just thought there was more to it than just the whole soulmate thing. and let’s not forget the bottom line here, is silence — just imagine getting me to stop constantly saying please. it would be like stopping hitting yourself on the head with a hammer, or pretty close. think about it, hmm? i’ll be waiting. audibly. over. & over.