three circuits 1.7 1.7 1.7 three times the mountain cannot explain this i’ve only ever done three once before, once and then i went right back to two i remember thinking ahh i see three, no, two yes. seven years ago twenty pounds ago god knows how many packs of cigarettes ago i thought that.
there were two reasons one was the inexplicable fact of the matter of needing oh so very much less air my lungs were the same it was the rest of me changed and changed almost overnight? almost. other one was the song, the one i put at the end of the cd at the time where two circuits end a slow song an old song also it is the song that i’ve always allowed myself to feel and to each his own it’s plain to see to walk alone you have to be and in feeling the allowable feelings i found not sadness but some searing energy to power the escape on and up and fast, i go up faster each time, there’s no sense to this i’m old i’m wrecked i never expected this never expected it to be … easy. it’s easy.
and the third time ’round and down it is dusky purple ocean mist breeze the light the air the music pink floyd art is everything i see and physics within, matter into energy i am feeling this molecularly and it is almost almost too much i slow to a wander entranced in rapture there are nearly tears it is too beautiful it is way way too beautiful it is innocent beautiful a miracle it is explosive beautiful ignition liftoff earth falling away it is beautiful like birth and death and the aftermath the starlight and all other things long dead which live.
i almost couldn’t stop at the car forced myself fell into the seat literally bathed in sweat i mean soaking soaking wet and as the interior lights faded in the silence it was perfect and i was already mostly an orgasm and it seemed the thing to do ease the seat back unbutton the buttons slide my hand down i mean i was already completely engaged in the process of arousal it was sex before i started it and by the time i finished it oh right out loud and bursts of color convulsing pulsing energy it was fission it was fusion it was blinding it was birth and death and the aftermath, it is an hour later now and still i am less a physical thing with mass and density than i am say the gilttering notes of a soft guitar spilling into the night sky.