no dsl…

(posted by dan for liz)

(me whining, in great detail, about a day without dsl, in the more area):


hour one (3-4): had a bit of a longish sleepday, woke to find … [ominous music] … no DSL. rebooted everybody, re-rebooted everybody, and nada. just nothing. odd floaty feeling of disconnectedness.

hours two through three (4-6): kept busy painting weird things, considered cleaning house things. naah. disconnectedness floats through the consciousness, i swat at it and tell it to go away, i’m busy. i’m not really busy. well, i am, but it doesn’t matter, now, does it?

hour four (6-7): called ISP. busy. threw out moldy spaghetti, called ISP. busy. did some dishes, started water boiling, called ISP. busy. disconnectedness is a lazy fly buzzing in my periphery, annoying the holy living fuck out of me.

hour five (7-8): made new spaghetti. called ISP. busy. i’m fine, i’m fine, it’s fine, everything is so extremely fucking fine it’s not even funny. disconnectedness is a shadow of panic passing across the burning desert of confusion that is my mind, what’s left of it anyway.

hour six (8-9): chris says we have DSL. oh look! we have DSL. which will go to places that aren’t google.com, or anything on my server. all in all i have about half the internet, just not the half i want. this is so motherfucking fine i can’t even begin to tell you. called ISP. busy. my disconnectedness feels disconcerted to find itself so specifically disconnected and not generally, as felt at first. does any of this matter? i have beer. and scissors. and haircolor! i am a danger to myself and others. well, myself.

i can get to my ISP’s website. i tested my connection speed.

Link Overall 643 kbps
Test #1 (256K in 4519ms) 534 kbps
Test #2 (256K in 3508ms) 687 kbps
Test #3 (256K in 3412ms) 707 kbps

Analog Dialup is 11.5 times slower 56 kbps
ISDN is 5.0 times slower 128 kbps
256K DSL is 2.5 times slower 256 kbps
768K DSL is 1.2 times faster 768 kbps
T-1 is 2.4 times faster 1,536 kbps

isn’t that just peachy? it’s fucking peachy as all get out, isn’t it? called ISP. busy. called their 888 number just for kicks. also busy. thinking of driving over there (not armed with anything at all, no, i wouldn’t even think of it). maybe i can go to kinkos and offer to trade sexual favors for time on their internet. talk about your win/win situations, huh?

(forwarding this to dan to post)

***
anyone needing me desperately may reach me at kdk – myway – com my one remaining spamfree email addy (not even putting the at sign or the word at or the dot in there, let’s hope for the best).

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