::one:: what this is

… and the air was still a
seduction but also somehow
soothing and out in it i sensed i’d find
balance of some sort, some odd
sort really since this
particular balance is defined by
desire, its edges all aglow and then
of course there is that
searing sunburst just like
the instant the
eclipse ends and so
i will wear my glasses
darkly and only focus on
other lightsources, these things i promise
myself, not expecting much knowing
what i know about my
willpower where astonishingly dangerous
brilliance is concerned, yes
i will stare myself blind on a
whimsical impulse and
as those go this is
so much more
than i imagined, this is
to impulsive whimsy as time is
to the time of this life,
mine, that is to say, this is
as the unimaginable is
to the insignificant, this is
as the sense this makes
fades into the fact that yes, i am
indeed propelled through this and
yes i do trust in its purpose and
its vision and yes this does guide me
in times of blindness, and no
i am not sure if this is
one of those times, or if
it is not.

and i was typing this it was flowing molten into a notepad window and you have NO IDEA how many times that fucker interrupted me with things that nothing could be done about right now or anytime soon, in a tone that implied that i was the rude one keeping typing when shit that’s days away had just popped into the vast wasteland of his mind and how could i type when his mind wasn’t blankly spaced into whatever’s on the television, goddamn it it’s a thought finally a thought mygod alert the motherfucking media. and it turns out much to my surprise it’s a whiny petulant thought expressed in terms of shit i gotta do because i’m the only one who can and and and …

and it got written in spite of that.

it might not quite be done yet, it’s only about thirty three minutes old, but it feels good.

5 thoughts on “::one:: what this is

  1. the trust isn’t about seeing — i just know stuff. i’ve always known stuff, and almost always doubted my knowing, however lately it’s become very, very hard to doubt that i know what i know. i mean, i know. i really do.

  2. If you can trust in the purpose and the vision, then you are seeing things far more clearly than I am right now.

    I feel (for no reason at all that I can discern) like an animal trapped ina cage, ready to bite down hard on any hand that dares to try to calm me.

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