i go a little tilty at a different sort of windmill entirely

in a universe such as this where all possible histories exist, is it any wonder my mind wanders? i am aching in waveforms in eleven dimensions, exactly, most of which (as hawking tells it) are just very, very tiny, which is why we only see the four.

we being a generalization, and as we know all generalizations are false. as for myself, i have been aware of anywhere from five to seven dimensions for at least as long and probably longer than i can remember. this awareness is written in the same cryptic runes as all the things i fail to explain in fullness, the best i can express is just the extent of what’s lost in the translation.

if you sense any futility in my struggles with these words, this is why. if you sense this process is almost effortless, this is also why. if you think these things are contradictory, think again.

(they intersect in surrender)

and i don’t remember was it dreamt awake or otherwise just i was in the midst of it and the thought hit i have never known pure surrender always obeyed these externalized fears, never brought them flowing free through me so that they do not limit me but rather become catalysts for different levels of pleasure like more surfaces exposed to sensation. but unless there is trust perfect trust the fears are still separate and still in control. and control is the balancing element in this give and take, control can be taken but unless it is also given, as in relinquished as in completely, the fears are still in control and still separate from the experience, and the experience is incomplete without them. and i want i need to know no control. and i know, i know it’s mostly only just a dream.

5 thoughts on “i go a little tilty at a different sort of windmill entirely

  1. Surrender, unto me, your caped eyepatched avenger, for i shall releive you of the need to tilt at the widmill of reason. oh the depths of reason cannot be leapt so easily, but with the strength of two insanities, anything can look like a straight line.
    there are so many was this is wrong but, its all i have to offer, my blessed insanity is what keeps me from doing harm to others and to myself. now just lie back put on some warren zevon, and imagine the possibilities. leave my monkey alone…bfg

  2. dirge? oh goodness.

    i’m thinking like maybe a modern day madrigal on a vintage moog accompanied by someone really stoned playing the theramin.

  3. There are so many different ways one can surrender and have no control. One can be tied to a bed. One can eat a whole Black Forest Cake. One can indulge in intoxicating substances until they catch a glimpse of god (real or false).

    Everybody should try to lose all control at least once a day, in some manner. It’s good for the soul.

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