so lastnight whatsisface is babbling ’bout this place right down the street he might get, he’s got his boss lyin’ for him and his mommy cosignin’ and probably lyin’ too, it’s more than we pay here but not by much, so i ask, i ask “so you’re going to have a roommate?” just to make sure there wasn’t any of that denial stuff going on and he says, “oh i have a roommate. didn’t i tell you?” he beams. “it’s the mommy of kobe and mando” (these would be children that go to the same babysitter as kurtwood, have for years).
“yeah, i’ve got me a little twenty two year old roommate”. (who has kids my kid’s age) “she has a job at best buy and they’re willing to transfer her to the oxnard store, but i could just put her to work at the car wash.”
((dear maude in heaven, he’s in pimpdaddy mode already. oh this poor girl. she’s twenty-two, single mom, trying oh so hard, and now she’s going to … oh this poor girl.))
((here’s the part where i omit the ugly details of the reasons behind the mindset which i know and trust me, you don’t want to. suffice to say that … oh this poor girl))
and then i thought you know, i’m old. i’m tough. i’ve had my first and last loves, i’ve lived a full life, i really ought to take one for the team and give up my dreams of freedom, save this youngster from her fate. afterall she has her whole life ahead of her, while i have wasted most of mine and have nothing coming, really.
and then i thought, ohfuckno. oh nofuckingway. not onyourfuckinglife. nope. i mean what am i fuckingcrazy thinking a thing like that? oh hush, i know, i know. but no, there’s nothing i can do for this girl, except hope that she is strong from the adversity and able to avoid being manipulated and subjugated and her soul slowly eroded away, until she is so exhausted from dealing with his needs and never being quite good enough in his eyes that somehow she can be convinced she’d never make it on her own …
he’s beyond the worst of the abusiveness, well, the part that left scars anyway, well physically at least, and he’s stopped the other things that caused the worst years to be even worse, problem is even a reformed version of whatsisname is still the same person underneath, expressing his weaknesses in terms of demands that can never be satisfied, a trap a vulnerable woman can fall into so easily, a trap of trying and trying and never succeeding and accepting this as evidence that she has failed, and and is therefore a failure, but fortunate enough that she still has him in spite of her shortcomings.
not that i’d know anything about this personally.