i was a little weird last night. seems the random thoughpatterns increase in direct proportion with the number of functions i write in a day which do things i didn’t know how to do till i made them do them. i’m out past the wire deadline wise, mostly because i took on projects approximately five hundred percent past my existing skillset (i tend to get really confident about shit like that, because, well, that’s just what i do) and so i stalled and ok i scared myself is what i did. a year ago i was possibly the world’s shittiest computer programmer. i mean it. the only thing i did with any success was run my mouth and get all kinds of expectations going and landed smack dab in the middle of downtown ‘you want the computer to do what? um ok, sure piece of cake ohmygodohmygod‘
i remember the first thing i got working, totally surprised the shit outta me, all i did was keep trying different things till one worked. no clue how. just knew it did. i remember thinking, hey, if all i have to do is obsess until the answer accidentally presents itself, i’m golden.
somewhere along the way it started making sense. and when i did something that i thought of and got it to work for the first time it was more than a rush. it was more than a thrill. it was power. and it was just the tippity-tip of the power, and i knew that. it was like standing holding onto a tree and realizing there was a planet attached to the end of it. since then i’ve done very little else but program stuff. i do it for a living i do it for fun and personal use, i do it for other people, for fun and to impress them. yeah. go figure, hubris, me. i know. but it’s beyond that, i mean i dream code. if i’m not doing it i’m thinking about it. or sex. code and sex, and coffee. i think about coffee. and sex. but that’s about it.
php is so fucking cool.