it’s not just a job, it’s an obsession.

i was a little weird last night. seems the random thoughpatterns increase in direct proportion with the number of functions i write in a day which do things i didn’t know how to do till i made them do them. i’m out past the wire deadline wise, mostly because i took on projects approximately five hundred percent past my existing skillset (i tend to get really confident about shit like that, because, well, that’s just what i do) and so i stalled and ok i scared myself is what i did. a year ago i was possibly the world’s shittiest computer programmer. i mean it. the only thing i did with any success was run my mouth and get all kinds of expectations going and landed smack dab in the middle of downtown ‘you want the computer to do what? um ok, sure piece of cake ohmygodohmygod

i remember the first thing i got working, totally surprised the shit outta me, all i did was keep trying different things till one worked. no clue how. just knew it did. i remember thinking, hey, if all i have to do is obsess until the answer accidentally presents itself, i’m golden.

somewhere along the way it started making sense. and when i did something that i thought of and got it to work for the first time it was more than a rush. it was more than a thrill. it was power. and it was just the tippity-tip of the power, and i knew that. it was like standing holding onto a tree and realizing there was a planet attached to the end of it. since then i’ve done very little else but program stuff. i do it for a living i do it for fun and personal use, i do it for other people, for fun and to impress them. yeah. go figure, hubris, me. i know. but it’s beyond that, i mean i dream code. if i’m not doing it i’m thinking about it. or sex. code and sex, and coffee. i think about coffee. and sex. but that’s about it.

php is so fucking cool.

12 thoughts on “it’s not just a job, it’s an obsession.

  1. server side scripting language. magical stuff. it’s how i arrange all those lyrics, it’s what my tagboard’s made out of, it’s how … it’s magic.

  2. I love php too, but I have yet to master it lol

    I bow to you once again, you code goddess you…

    i’m jealous of course 😉

    favor? pretty please with lizard treats on top? your rss feed has excerpts, how about one with full posts for me/us newsreader freaks? 😀

    *mwah*

  3. ooh, no problem. i’m on it.

    i remember, back when i was an important famous popular powerblogger and stuff, i actually had a PDA version *and* a cell phone version. i wonder how silly it would be of me to do that again. probably very.

  4. Now if you could just figure out a way to code some sex for yourself.. Good sex mind you.. i mean that would be cool… Nice to get rid of the whole middle man penis thing

  5. i’m thinking about making php my next class in my 2-year-Associate’s-Degree-in-ten-years-because-of-my-stupid-freaking-job program. what’s your opin of sql? they may not let me in unless i re-take that beginning programming class i F’d. or i could just skip the backend for now and take the computer generated visual art class. that could be cool. i wonder if we’ll get to design superheroes in poser or something like that!

  6. php has plenty of fun stuff without the mysql, but if you’d have more fun playing in the design class, why not do that and give yourself time to do some web tutorials on PHP/MySQL so you could go into that class some other time and already be ahead of the class.

  7. liz, i’m like you: i was BORN ahead of the class.

    unlike you, instead of using that as a mantra to help me pursue excellence, it’s my excuse for constantly f***ing s**t up.

    aside from all that — good advice. i’ll look into it.

  8. Noooo, don’t do the cellphone thing again. Something was really strange about that and it kept installing something on my computer that kept trying to open. remember? you may destroy the internet if you unleash that thing again.

  9. well a pda version would be mostly harmless. i think. probably. well hell, if i break it, i can fix it. probably.

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