i never told the rest of this story, not entirely sure why.
brilliantly dressed punk-goth youngster comes roaring up in a beatup veedub driven by a rather stressed out regular sort of guy; she needs to get to LA. she *has* to get to LA, something about two girls named Crystal and violations of probation and she can’t ride the Amtrak train, it’s in her conditions due to an unfortunate sort of incident involving standing up for the courage of her angry, twenty year old convictions.
as a way of introducing herself, she walked up to us and asked when the bus came, and then announced, “i am the kind of person, when something is fucked up, i say, that’s really fucked up”. that’s where the Crystals and the Amtrak came in, and oh i longed to hear the rest of those stories.
would have bought her some dinner and given her that ride in exchange for those stories and some pictures, but the expiration on the registration made that impossible. certainly horrible things might have happened aside from that, but i wanted to listen, to know and understand the energy involved in making the choice to live on the outskirts of society, where it is a given that perceptions will accuse, try and convict in advance of any evidence, especially if you are attired so brilliantly punk/gothically and twenty and on fire angry, and if you are the sort of person that sees something that’s fucked up, and you say, “that’s fucked up”.
not doing things that are nearly irresistable just because they are entirely risky is somewhat new for me. yes i’m aware of my age and that this is belated.
the trip to la was even more difficult to resist due to the fact it would have meant i wouldn’t have had to go home and face the inevitable. horrible thing, to be on fire horny and have to have sex with someone i loathe, the price the pennance of living here. ’cause goddamn it it feels … it feels. and my mind and body filled with sparks and imagery and oh it takes all the self control i have not to grab him sink my teeth into his shoulder scream out someone else’s name.
i’ve never considered myself to have particularly strong willpower.