to whine, or to whine some more, that is the question.

unusually this woozy this early but here it is, time, time. relentless procession of thoughts shuffles past, shabby refugees of the uncivil unrest of the past four decades, anxiously searching the uncertain territory ahead with shattered eyes mostly but here and there a glitter, a glimmer, hope.

hope has always been the enemy, cunning and deceptive and utterly merciless and yet after all these years still irresistable still powerful persuasive with the delicious feasts of visions, how easy it is to settle into the warmth the fullness the seductive comfort; sedated in this decadence i drift off and the next thing i know it’s the same old hard cold wakeup in a muddy ditch missing everything that mattered, even though it was unreal, it is still a loss.

is this depressing? shit i was gonna be funny but i had this in draft and i thought hey, have i whined enough lately? why yes. should i whine some more? why of course!

in unrelated news i am having to hold myself back by my own hair to keep from installing mysql 4.1 alpha release, i *need* the new features. oh god you have no idea. subselects! i need subselects sooooo bad. but it’s in alpha. thou dost not subject thine webhosting clients to alpha releases unless … unless you really need to right?

sigh.

11 thoughts on “to whine, or to whine some more, that is the question.

  1. alpha=more work than anyone should ever subject themselves too.. unless they are masochistic… Hrmmm.. In that case.. go for it liz.. you know you want to….

  2. oh yeah, thaaaaat’s what i need, a little nun sitting on my shoulder advising me to do sinful, greedy things.

    which aren’t that greedy, really, i mean, people need the … um … experience? of … progress! and … stuff like that right?

  3. Now on the other shoulder, its a bfg. never ever install alpha code, it the devils work that is, just sucks you in with promises of wonderfull new inovations when its just old crap in a new box. hey just ask micro$oft. Oh and nun take a hike that shoulder is reserved… he he i like being the good cop.

  4. ‘hope is the enemy’ is an interesting aphorism. personally one of my favorites came from a brilliant friend of mine who is clinically insane: he said, and it sounds really simple at first but comes apart like an onion on fire and keeps you up at night sweating and biting your fingernails: ‘FEAR IS NOT A GUIDE.’

  5. oops. i so strongly disagree – hopeless is worse than self pity even. gotta hope. hopefully this is a comfort to you. i feel as if you’re rubbing off on me but that could be something more like insomnia or the next step sleep psychosis. if so just forgive me please.

  6. ahh, for the simple days of “did he call? will he call?” now it’s “he visited but he didn’t comment. he’s not in the instant messenger why didn’t he email? ooh is that a text message? it’s so much more complicated.

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