not recommended if realism is important to you. not that this isn’t real. your mileage will most definitely vary. you were warned.

whereas it is two thirtyish in the morning and i am sitting in my living room wearing a sleeveless hoodie t and panties, both black, and
whereas this is not a bad look for me, a fact which is still rather new to me and
whereas my camera has eaten its batteries and besides i’m not that kind of girl (anymore anyway) and
whereas considering i feel there is a need to be at least partially naked here, i have chosen instead to share an entirely inexplicable thoughtset that came rushing out of the back of my mind’s shadows and
whereas i will stipulate the sense this makes is dubious at best, it is my duty to inform you that nothing written around here is ever surreal to me at the moment it is written, also i am more or less just a transcriptionist and
whereas since i do not know the the unknowable or the improbable without cause, i would conclude that this has some significance, although beyond that it would be irresponsible for me to make any further endorsements of the soundness of what follows, or its fitness for publication. to wit:

a temporally distorted instance just opened … rather a nonspecific openness just occurred to me (not right here-now. no.) (no this was a dimension or so over, the next door neighborly one i hold dearly responsible for the provision of the occasional occasional vision.) and no i did not fall in, not in this, no delusions, not one, none. but that is not my point.

my point is i know. now. i do. i also know i do not want to. on that issue, i am more than clear.

this is murderous clarity, though not physically or spiritually, or even mentally. it is still killing. and there is still life but at the moment it will not become imagery captured in words for you, nothing about this can be adapted into captivity at this point. and besides i am bereft oh just a bit and i find i must decline.

also i will tell you that by morning there will be regret or better over the posting of this thing. i will try to let it stand, please forgive me if i find i am unable.

5 thoughts on “two.a.m.

  1. You know i was going to ask you if you are sick of me hanging around at all hours of the day and night. but then you say you are in such a small amount of clothes, and still typing, and , I’m sorry but you will never get rid of me now. you are just the kind of person who tantilises my brain, the kind who gives reason to hope. thanks for your kind words earlier. i have been empting my dirty secrets in to the blog, this morning too, i have never told anyone of these things, and it feels like its time, time to get it all out of my head, and i must thank you for the impetus, you are my hero, orange haired one. if i was anywhere near you i’d throw you a party. blessed be.

  2. so i just sat and tried to understand why i needed the scantily clad bit to do the rest of it (and i did have that need, yes), but that would be a whole ‘nother post.

  3. yeah. i think i have gone to that place too, surprisingly. but it never occurred to me to tell anyone about it. not that i would have even expected anyone to understand, one way or another.

    damn it, where were you when i was 19? i would have had a hell of a lot less explaining to do.

    and, what baldfatguy said.

  4. and i’m not sure when you were 19, but the answer is probably either out stealing cars, or running off to reno to marry some guy i’d known three days, it’s even possible i was smokin’ me some crack.

    i’m much better now.

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