i realize i am confusing and confused. i tend to vent and babble here in a seriously surreal, circuitous fashion, however i do have a point. well, not a point exactly. but a plan, albeit a somewhat nonlinear, amorphous one:
someday the facts of the matters alluded to in these ramblings here will be fictionalized, some slightly some entirely, until they become more than the sum of themselves. in the process i fully expect to discover other levels, for certainly they exist within me already, however they are inaccessible from my current perspective, which is in fact the depths of the worst of the material facts, with a few shining exceptions of course. those are keeping me alive, and will be woven into with the darkness and fear as written, as they are here now in life, only more artfully (hopefully) (at this point they are awfully bloody awkward)
so i am at this point taking copious notes (some 45,000 words thus far) and when i can see something in the reflection that is more than the image itself, … well, i don’t exactly know what’s going to happen then.
i’m looking forward to finding out.
i was going to say ‘this will all make sense someday’ but honestly i don’t know how much actual coherence the finished whatever will have, coherence is not my strong suit. but there will be wicked vivid imagery and all the pretty euphony and taken as a whole, this will all have some purpose beyond the telling of the story behind all the confusing allusions.