words words words. had some around somewhere. sure of it.
checked draft status, discovered it was an appropriate status for the words found there. shuffled through boxes cluttered with scribbled half-ideas, wondered why i’ve formed such an attachment to recyclables. words.
code now, code, i’ve written a shitload of that this past week. technically mostly completely frivolous however … there is a reason. not an excuse. just a practical, resigned sort of reasonable accomodation i make for myself, though (i tell myself) i don’t deserve it and can’t afford it. the point is i find that i cannot discipline myself any more than my parents could after i hit the age of rebellion. i have that same unerring knack for taking an intractable stance against the unfairness (not getting what i want) and remain relentless until that changes.
and the fact is i’ve been yearning to geek out heavily, but i would not give myself the time. no, there was work to be done. work dammit work. so the stubbornness kicked in and what got done was nothing. i nagged and berated myself for this but nothing changed. (self-defeating spiral). i whined to friends and heard the same things i tell myself, didn’t listen.
so i did that.
i also decided i liked the little flashplayer so much that i wanted to use it locally. where there is no php. in order to make the playlist i had evil media do a search for mp3s, saved the playlist, discovered it was written in SMIL which is … close enough. a little while later i’d turned that into XML and then and then i had to make the player prettier and now and now i am … i have so many more things i want to do. i have discovered new and exciting uses for flash and also i will say that flash mx annoys the hell out of me i mean it’s annoying how do i resist this?
i am sorry for the boring. i hadda do something man.