weapons of mass destruction related program activities


today the daughter & i, struggling to open a bottle of champagne: she tries, hands it to me. i try, i fail. she shows me the bandages, blood draws in both arms (she’s an eggdonor, there are tests & shit). i take the bottle, the cork comes out easy. i have no injuries to my inner elbows caused by rough phebotomists, i have no excuse, therefore, easy, right?

fuckin’ a.

oh & for those of you that missed the state of the union here are some cliff’s notes:

we got saddam! we got ‘im! sheeit, we done got that saddam oh hell yeah we fucking nailed that saddam fucker. the patriot act means freedom. open the borders so we can put plenty mexicans to work driving this economy forward! the american people love a good corporate scandal! get drugs out of the schools & give them to old people! except steroids, don’t give those to anyone! and we got saddam, the american people can sleep safe at night knowing there was no saddam left behind, also saddam is in custody have i mentioned saddam? & nukular shit in general? be afraid while we keep you safe. vote for us.

weapons of mass destruction related program activities. i swearta fucking god a direct quote, i ran to my ‘puter laughing hard & sardonic to make sure i got it word for word, i hurried. weapons of mass destruction related program activities. that makes it alllllll worth it.

fuckin’ a.

12 thoughts on “weapons of mass destruction related program activities

  1. see, i didn’t even have to watch. i knew he was gonna say all that. saved myself the aggravation and worried instead about my friend , who is homeless and disabled because of this asshole’s policies. yeah, saved myself the high blood pressure.

  2. requires ovaries. and being under thirty. but it pays extremely well. i only wish my ovaries were under thirty i’d be eggdonoring constantly, i tell ya.

  3. My ovaries are under 30. When I had the sex change operation they told me that I was getting organs from a 15 year old female car crash victim. Now if I can just find somebody to knock me up, my biological clock is ticking.

  4. i’d like mine scrambled, with hashbrowns extra crispy on the side, please. and chalula mexican hot sauce. or that delicious jamaican stuff that burns your brains out. shit, my brains are scrambled. fried. this is my brain that can’t afford drugs. you need to give them a diagnosis code, then you have to copay, then after six sessions they cut you loose. loocy, you got some ‘splainin’ to dooo. mass destruction program related activities. dogs fucked the pope. no fault of mine. zippy the pinhead said that to a doggy diner statue. when i grow up i want to be made into soylent green. green eggs and ham! and we’re back to the beginning. i’m so glad we had this time together, etc.

  5. erm, well my living situation hasn’t changed all that much, i … roommates are evil. and so i just stopped whining about it while i work out the temporary details of things.

  6. i keep coming back to the whole “weapons of mass destruction related program activities” deal.

    weapons of mass destruction. nope, none of those.

    weapons of mass destruction program. well, not really.

    weapons of mass destruction program activites. well, no, not exactly

    weapons of mass destruction related program activities — well there you go. everything’s relative.

    i swearta god.

  7. Just noticed, since you moved, you have made a whole bunch of comments without being, well. you know, pissed off at your situation.

    so are you like, happy or something?

  8. The DUB – the speech – Yeah – he started to say how the Patriot Act was about to expire and how we need to renew it for our safety (I guess it was a temporary hurry up and act after 9/11 kind of thing – but the fuckers changed it at 4 in the morning before the Dems got there and then they all voted it without the Dems knowing what they were voting on – it’s hundreds of pages that you need a team of lawyers to help you read – it refers to a whole library of other laws as well that one must understand too)HE STARTED TO say how how it’s about to expire, and how we need to renew it post haste but he said this, this is what happened he said:

    “The Patriot Act is about to expire . . . ”

    but before he could continue, a bunch of Democrats started cheering. It was so fuckin funny!! He gave them the evil eye the whole rest of the speech.

    And what’s with the pronunciation of the word ´┐Żnuclear?’ He says ´┐ŻNUKE KILLER’ which is appropriate, I guess.

    Yeah – and the weapons of mass destruction formerly know as weapons of mass destruction – they will now be known as weapons of mass murder. Noted.

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