this covers the period from when i fell offline to … who really knows. everything is relative, right? so. it’s stuff i typed in a notepad window … because.
i am currently AOLing at a cost of $2.50 per hour and sometimes my ‘u’ key doesn’t work. um. is it my imagination or does aol 9.0 kind of not suck? it’s possible it doesn’t suck.
hold me i’m scared.
notepad blogging follows. but before you go there, might want to behold the madness. a song like no other song. inspiring comments like no other song by such a large margin.
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wow. the things you discover when there is no internet and there you are, disconnected, bereft of any bandwidth whatsoever, and i mean wtf? so anyway. wow.
all this time sitting here with my external cd burner at my feet. unplugged. remembering the last time i had to (re)install it. how it was one of those exotic, unique, delicate flower running on software that you can’t find anywhere anymore, and don’t even think about plugging it in before you install that software, you loser. well. i did find the disk then. but that was then. and this is now, and it is gone.
nothin’ to lose, i plugged it in. the dreaded windows me said, hey, i see you have a cd-rom. i said no, no, it’s a cd *burner*. windows me just looked at me stupid. fine, i said. so i fired up windows media and said, copy my cd then you evil convenient bastard. and it said, okay, wanna use roxio? and i was all, whatever. and roxio was all whining about being basic, thought i oughta upgrade. yeah yeah. pipe down and do what you were bundled to do, dammit. so roxio goes, k, you wanna burn or you wanna cancel? ‘cos i am all about the options you tightwad. and i was all, shaddup & burn.
and that worked.
i mean fuuuuuck. [voiceover :: you have entered a dimension of sound and mind and sand and frogs and drugs and shit, and the signpost up ahead says, twilight zone.]
and there’s more. right now, my three year old laptop with not enough memory, running windows me, using windows media, is copying files from my hard drive onto my vintage iomega 2x/4x external cd burner *and* playing the cd i just burned *at the same time*.
all i can say is, duck & cover.
day … what, three? of no internet. disconnection. i sit & sift through my cds & compile new different versions of the Whining Playlist of Doom (WPOD©), updated to reflect the current climate here in beautiful downtown whinesville, where our motto is whatever we’re muttering under our breath when you’re looking at us wondering just what the fuck, exactly, is our problem.
then the ‘u’ key tried to kill me. it stopped working & sat there, being an unworking part of a laptop keyboard. my knowledge of such things is limited to a general impression of fragility and expense. i was not even sure that these types of keys are removable. well, i was pretty sure they were removable, but replaceable, that’s another thing entirely. so i pried it off & discovered that under no circumstances should i have done that. clearly, this was the sort of thing that required the skilled use of specialized tools by qualified professsionals, or at the very least, a level of idiocy far, far lower than my own. in what was clearly a freak accident, i managed to reattach the thing. didn’t work, but wasn’t in pieces. emboldened by my failure to fail in a completely disasterous fashion, i stuck a bobby pin where no bobby pin should go, and somehow got things almost but not quite working. say 85%.
between the inept stressed out fumbling and the boring pointless paragraph describing it, i managed to distract myself from whatever else i was whining about, then stuff happened and it is now a different day, the 18th? maybe a tuesday, maybe a wednesday, who fucking knows about these things? i have screwed with my hair in despair and settled on a hat with a ponytail poking through the back. i have changed clothes. three times. i have taken pictures for no reason whatsoever, photoshopped the living shit out of them, realized i didn’t care, and closed them without saving. i have painted my toenails. twice. there is no internet. the internetlessness will continue for as long as it does, no more no less. it will end at some indeterminate point in what you might call the near future, but you have the internet, time moves different for you.
it might be the 19th. i am watching maury povich. *sniffle* today he’s doing happy stories about people that lost a lot of weight. happy stories make me teary. hell, i cry at game shows. and long distance commercials. you know, things that are on television. i am watching the television.
the commercials. who ya gonna sue? gotta be somebody you can sue. whose fault is it you’re home watching daytime tv? not yours! that would make you a loser. don’t be a loser! sue somebody! already sued somebody? let us give you a lump sum, those payments aren’t enough if you’re home watching daytime tv.
help. is it thursday? there was supposed to be internet by thursday. but i knew it wouldn’t be thursday. i just knew it.
so you’re sleeping with the brother because the dog pooped? i’ve got to change the channel.
jer-ry! jer-ry! jer-ry!