“perhaps taking the spam somewhere else would be advisable.”
in response to a lighthearted hopeful invitation to something i’d been working on & have a strong desire to see succeed. in retrospect yes this was spam. obviously it was, it’s spam if it’s called spam & that’s that, right? in context, arguments could be made that i’d always been relevant &/or at least on topic in communications with this accuser, and in this case … well i flat put my foot in my mouth, or at least the variant of that you do with fingers on keys. i was wrong in that way you know wrong after you’ve done it & while it still does not feel anything like that, yet, the consequences are clear.
that felt far more awful than it should have. there are no worse words i could be called, or have used in sentences that referred to my actions. none. they not only do not exist, they *can* not exist.
my head hurts.
and even though this is the first time i’ve blogged in howevermany months, the thought of linking to this from anywhere for any reason seems like … feels like … well what if there is a spammer in me, one i can’t see out of some blind stupid faith in my own pleasant intentions?
and yeah. i am overreacting. yes i am. yes i know.
spam? yeah. spam.